#and 17 year old me would be like woah that’s crazy also why do you now have lesbian pride flags instead of bi

[pinkstilettos-onmyface]

My girlfriend is moving into my house tomorrow

[kaijuno]

Bad cop story. One time I was driving with friends in the car. We were all probably about 17 or 18 years old. We are coming up to a red light when one of us was like “hey let’s get snacks!” Because it was like 10 PM there was like nobody around, so I throw my car in reverse to back up and get in the turning lane to stop at the gas station. Admittedly a bit of a dumb traffic maneuver, but only because someone could have flown up behind us speeding while we were backing up… which the cop did, before he pulled us over for an unsafe lane change.

Anyway it all was fine at first like obviously we are uncomfortable, and I’m worried that I’m going to get a ticket, but the cop was respectful enough when he asked for my license and registration and told me why I was pulled over. Anyway, my car was a mess as I was kind of a slob about it at the time, so I told him it would maybe take me a minute to find my documents, and could I please look through the glove box, like. I expressly told him that I was going to be doing that, so that he wouldn’t be alarmed thinking I was going to grab a weapon or something. So he said that’s fine and went back to his car.

Anyway, as I’m looking around for my documents, I guess “backup” arrived, and it was this young cop who decided to approach the car. Without me even being aware of this, he saw me going through the glovebox and went full cop mode “PUT YOUR HANDS ON THE CEILING!!” to me and my dumb teen friends. Obviously I do, and I look over, and the dude has his GUN drawn, pointed right at me. Holy shit.

Now this was a long time ago, and so I wasn’t aware then of the huge issue of police escalation/brutality/violence like I am today, and also I was a white boy in the suburbs, so it wasn’t something I’d really thought about, but seeing a gun drawn at my face two feet away was pretty scary. Anyway, the situation resolved when the first cop saw this and pretty much was like “woah dude what the hell are you doing??” and called him off. I didn’t get a ticket or anything. But my friends and I were all pretty shook up. I’m pretty sure we all just went home after that. This was like 12 years ago now, I’m almost 30 today, but it’s still crazy to think about, especially knowing what I know now. Like how if I’d happened to be a black kid in that same situation, I very well could have been killed in my little suburban hometown. And I always think about it when I see people saying “just comply and everything will be fine” because of how I clearly explained to the cop what I was doing, and STILL had a weapon drawn on me.

[flowertboyz]

hi! can i request for tbz reaction to their daughter dating another member's child? thank you!

i feel like i could probably say these are all canon,,, but not that all these couples ended up together😭 i just feel that at one point,, each one of them would’ve dated another yk

also i wrote these as little scenarios instead of bullet points!! let me know what you think🥰🥰

sangyeon:

saerom & luca (13/14)

“why am i not allowed a boyfriend? saerom’s dating luca.”

“sarang!” the 13-year-old exclaimed.

“what?” sangyeon asked, “saerom?! you’re dating luca?! as in… luca bae?! saerom, you know you’re not allowed to date until you’re 15.”

“well, i’m like… almost 15.”

“no! luca’s almost 15! oh my god, luca’s almost 15! he’s older than you, saerom!”

“dad!” saerom groaned, “please, just leave it alone.”

“were you at least gonna tell me?!”

“no!”

“why not?!”

saerom glared at her dad as you just laughed from beside him.

“oh,” he nodded, “i get it.”

saerom rolled her eyes, leaving the room.

“she’s like 5! she can’t have a boyfriend!” he exclaimed.

“13, but sure,” you chuckled.

jacob:

bailey & donghyuck (16)

“what if he’s a complete weirdo?” jacob stressed.

“it’s okay, jake, i trust bailey to make a smart decision.”

he sighed, nodding, “you’re right.”

“mum! dad!” bailey called, running in the kitchen, boyfriend in tow, “meet my boyfriend!”

“donghyuck?!” jacob exclaimed, “bailey, i thought… i thought it was gonna be someone we didn’t know?”

“why? i never said that,” bailey giggled, the two speaking in english, donghyuck’s frantic eyes flitting back and forth.

“don’t worry, donghyuck-ah, we’re just relieved it’s you,” you said.

“yeah! bailey, don’t scare us like that! you can date anyone of the boys’ sons, or daughters, i dont care!” jacob laughed.

“oh, okay! we’re going up to my room,” bailey smiled.

“door open. no loud music,” jacob said sternly.

“you just said you didnt care!”

“door open, no loud music.”

bailey rolled her eyes, “fine.”

younghoon:

juno & milo (14)

“i dont doubt that eunji is actually going to marry hyunjung, you know,” you said as the three of you sat at the dinner table, picking at your food.

“don’t say that,” younghoon whined, putting his chopsticks down, “she’s only 16.”

“yeah but they seem actually in love,” you shrugged, “i’m just saying.”

juno giggled, younghoon looking at her sternly, “you’re not allowed to do that, okay?”

“what do you mean?”

“find a boy and get married early.”

“well…”

“juno!” younghoon exclaimed.

“oh my god, who?!”

juno blushed, speaking through a mouthful of rice, “milo.”

“milo?! milo as in eric’s son?!” younghoon yelled

“yes?”

“oh my god. no he’s a baby. you’re a baby! what?!”

“they’re the same age, actually,” you hummed.

“why are you not…?! what?! this is crazy!”

“are you mad?” juno asked.

younghoon sighed, “no. i just can’t believe you’re so old. i can’t believe i’m so old!”

he took his bowl, storming to the kitchen as you rolled your eyes.

“congrats, honey.”

hyunjae:

soojin & seongcheol (8/10)

“i just think you should know, dad,” hansol said, leaning over the back of the sofa so his head was beside his dad’s, “i saw soojin holding ju seongcheol’s hand when they were walking out of school today.”

hyunjae pushed hansol’s head away before pausing, “wait. seriously?”

“soojin! come here!” hyunjae yelled.

“coming daddy!” she called, running down the stairs, “what is it?”

“soojin, are you dating seongcheol?”

“yes! he’s my boyfriend, daddy!” soojin giggled.

hansol shrugged, pointing at his little sister, primary evidence.

hyunjae smiled, “congratulations honey, i hope he treats you well.”

soojin giggled, running back upstairs.

“what?!”

“she’s 8! and it’s seongcheol, what’s he gonna do?”

juyeon:

bora & minjoon (18)

“hey dad, hey uncle q,” bora smiled, walking into the dance studio, hand-in-hand with minjoon.

“what’s this?” juyeon asked, out of breath from choreographing, motioning to their interlocked hands.

bora looked at him, confused, “we’re dating?”

“what?!”

q laughed, looking at juyeon, shocked, “how did you not know?”

“you didn’t tell me that!”

“no, of course i didn’t tell you out-right, that’s weird! but you know, me and minjoon spend a lot of time together, i thought you would’ve caught on.”

“you have to tell me these things out-right! and why would that be weird?! i wanna know!”

“okay, fine, i’ll tell you!”

“well it’s too late now,” juyeon sulked, “but you, if you do anything—“

“woah, he’s my son as well!”

“i don’t care, she’s my daughter.”

“oh my god, let’s go,” bora sighed.

kevin:

faith & eunbi (13)

“dad, can i talk to you?”

“sure,” kevin said, hopping down off the stool to follow faith into the living room, “what is it? you look worried.”

“i’m not worried,” faith shook her head, “i just… i got a girlfriend the other day.”

kevin nodded, “cool. what’s her name?”

“uhm… eunbi.”

“eunbi?! as in… ji eunbi?!”

“why is that the part you’re most shocked at?” faith laughed, falling back in relief.

“well yeah! i don’t know how to feel about that! i don’t care that you’re dating a girl,” kevin laughed, leaning over to kiss her head, “i’m proud of you, though.”

new:

kyuhyuk & howon (16/15)

“why are you ignoring me?!” howon yelled.

“ya, howon, what are you doing?” new asked.

“don’t! dad, it’s fine,” kyuhyuk said, grabbing howon and dragging him up the stairs to his bedroom.

“what is that about?” you asked.

new waited until his bedroom door was shut before creeping upstairs and hanging around outside his son’s door.

“no one knows, howon,” kyuhyuk said, “i liked it, i enjoyed it. but we can’t continue this.”

“kyu, please,” howon said, “i love you.”

new gasped, his heart dropping.

“just leave, howon. i’m sorry.”

new quickly went into his room, waiting until howon had left the house until he went to knock on kyuhyuk’s door, “kyu? can i come in?”

“what?”

“i just, wanted to see how you were.”

“you heard us didn’t you?” he asked with teary eyes.

new nodded slowly.

“i’m sorry,” he sobbed.

“you have nothing to be sorry for,” new gasped, pulling kyuhyuk into his arms, “do not apologise to me okay? apologise to howon.”

“i’m just scared.”

“i know, baby, i know. i’m so proud of you.”

q:

haemi & hyunwoo (8)

“i’ll see you tomorrow, haemi,” hyunwoo smiled.

the little boy looked around, almost comically, before leaning forward and kissing the little girl.

haemi blushed, “bye, hyunwoo.”

hyunwoo waved, continuing his walk back to his house as haemi turned around and headed towards her front door.

“ji haemi what was that?!” changmin screamed, opening the door.

“huh?”

“i saw that! why are you kissing hyunwoo?!”

“he’s my boyfriend,” she muttered.

changmin squealed, “what?! when were you gonna tell me this?! when did this happen?!”

juhaknyeon:

youngjee & yoon (16/17)

“can you hear that?” haknyeon asked, getting out of bed and heading over to the door.

“hear what?” you asked.

haknyeon shook his head, crossing the hallways and knocking on youngjee’s door, “jee, can i come in?”

“u-uhm no! just a minute!”

“youngjee?!” haknyeon repeated, opening the door to see yoon stood next to youngjee’s bed, shirt on the floor, “i knew it!”

“dad!” youngjee groaned, “get out!”

“when did he get here?!”

yoon laughed nervously, pointing to the open window.

“yoon! oh my god, you’re both idiots!” youngjee rolled her eyes, shutting the door in haknyeon’s face.

“just be safe please! and yoon, use the door!”

sunwoo:

rina & soohyun (4/16)

“you alright there, rina?” sunwoo chuckled, watching as rina laced her tiny hand with soohyun’s bigger one, dragging him over to the paddling pool with her.

rina nodded, “soohyun-oppa’s my boyfriend.”

sangyeon laughed in the background while sunwoo shook his head.

“you’re too young for boys, rina-ya. and soohyun’s a lot older than you,” he said sweetly.

“i love him!” rina giggled, hugging soohyun’s leg.

soohyun just shrugged, continuing to play with rina sweetly.

“just leave her, sunwoo, it’s cute.”

“she shouldn’t be thinking about boys.”

you whacked him, “she’s not, you idiot, she’s 4 and she likes soohyun.”

“whatever.”

eric:

violet & daehyun (19/22)

“i’ll pick you up tomorrow as well, okay? where something nice, we’re going out for dinner,” daehyun said, one arm around the car seat violet was sitting in.

“okay,” she smiled, “i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“bye, baby,” he said, leaning over and kissing her.

she placed her hand on his jaw, deepening the kiss.

“ya! violet sohn!”

violet pulled away with a grunt, “i told you not to park so close.”

“with daehyun?! he’s so much older than you! violet, come here right now!”

“i’ll see you tomorrow,” he whispered as she got out the car.

eric frowned, “no you won’t!”

“calm down, dad,” violet groaned.

“get inside. hey daehyun! you’re an idiot!”

“love you too uncle eric! i’m telling dad you said that!”

[sarahlynnirl]

Losing my best friend - Sugar Daddy culture is not empowering

I finally feel strong enough to talk about this and hopefully get some love, support, and reassurance from other women who agree that this is fucked up. I’ve never been “terfy on main” before so here goes. (TW child abuse + SA but no graphic descriptions of SA)

My mother is a narcissist who financially and emotionally abused my father and myself, with some additional physical abuse of me, for as long as I can remember. My dad made plenty of money but my mom controlled it all and made sure it didn’t go towards anything for me beyond the bare minimum required not to look obviously guilty of child abuse and neglect. I met Kiara (not her real name) when I was a junior in highschool and she was a freshman. Her mom was a single Korean woman doing her best to support Kiara and her 2 sisters while also running a Korean restaurant. My first jobs were a summer camp counselor and fitting room attendant at Forever 21. I would spend the last scraps of my paycheck making sure Kiara was able to order a full meal when our friends went out to dinner, buying her little gifts, and generally trying to keep us both as happy and healthy as possible.

When Kiara graduated highschool her mom drove her into Koreatown New Jersey, got her a room in the apartment of an acquaintance, and basically left her to fend for herself. Kiara spoke barely any Korean. She began working at a Korean salon where she met Ariana (not her real name). She had a NY cosmetology license, not an NJ one, while Ariana was an illegal immigrant from Korea so they were both overworked, underpaid, forced to work overtime, paid under minimum wage, and deprived of their tips. They couldn’t report or complain about this since they were both working illegally.

Kiara had to pay rent for the one room she occupied despite her land lady yelling at her, walking into her room while she slept, banning her from having friends over, and reporting to her mom if she spoke to a guy on the phone or a guy dropped her off. I was working at a restaurant in my college town on top of my classes and doing my best to keep surprising her with little gifts, but neither of us had enough disposable income to afford to visit each other. This was really difficult for me as she was my favorite person in the world and I was used to spending every second with her when we both lived in upstate NY. Ariana got them both to start using SeekingArrangement for one time meet ups with Sugar Daddies where they were paid anywhere from $200-2000 for sex. “The first time I ever did it I walked out of the hotel and just screamed because I was so disgusted and I was thinking about his wrinkly skin touching mine and all I wanted to do was get in the shower and scrub it off but I had $1000 cash in my hand for a couple hours of work which was so crazy and kinda made it all worth it ya know?” - Ariana to me

I was immediately skeptical and a little grossed out but Kiara genuinely seemed happier. She was buying new clothes for herself, ordering food to the apartment when she was hungry, and taking trips into NYC to have fun with Ariana and her friends. By the beginning of the summer of 2019, Kiara had found the Sugar Daddy who she would establish a long term agreement with and who ultimately ended up completely supporting her. I’m not going to say his name here but if people want to know it just ask, I am willing to share. He moved her into a much nicer much bigger apartment with Ariana as her roommate. He paid for me to fly up and visit her, and all of our activities during this vacation. I’m so sorry I’m so sorry I’m so sorry. I wish I shoved the money back in her hand before it was too late, I wish I worked harder and longer hours and got us an apartment in Florida and paid both of our rent. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t listen to my instincts and allowed her to brush off my concerns. It was the most freedom we had ever had, I ran around NYC by myself while she was at work, and my ex took the bus to NJ from upstate NY and joined us for a few days. I feel so selfish but I also didn’t know how bad things would get.

One night Kiara and I went to NYC for dinner with her SD and she took the bus back to the apartment because she had to work early the next morning. It made sense for me to stay in the city because I was supposed to visit my friend at NYU the next morning. In the Uber to his apartment alone with him he was drunk and high and I very clearly looked scared shitless. At this point she was 19 (but she had looked that way since age 17 and I doubt he would have minded if she was lying about her age), I was 21 and he was 44. He seemed offended by my discomfort and was basically like “jeez relax I’m not gonna touch you, I really care about Kiara I think she’s so amazing, just go to the guest room and sleep, make a left to walk to NYU when you wake up.” I peaced the fuck out of there early the next morning.

After that summer Kiara and Ariana quit their jobs at the Korean salon and sugaring became their sole incomes. Ariana was still doing one time meet ups, not nearly as financially stable as Kiara, and got herself into a lot of credit card debt that to my knowledge she’s still in. At this point Kiara was flying down and staying with me in Florida so often that people at my college thought she went there too. I also wasn’t working at this point because college had gotten harder and my ex was fucking up my mental health real bad. He had given me a coke problem and Kiara sending me “grocery money” was enabling me to continue. I wasn’t honest with her about where all the money was going. During Halloween week we didn’t know that she couldn’t just snort molly (MDMA) with the frequency I was doing coke, she ODed, my guy best friend took us to the ER, it was so fucking scary, she got IV fluids for 2 hours and made a full recovery, she stopped doing molly, I kept doing coke. I’m so sorry :(

In November her SD paid for us to take a trip to Cancun Mexico. He was with us for the first part of the trip and this is where things started to get really bad. He tried to be my friend and act the way a boyfriend of my best friend who was my age would, but it was creepy and wrong and I was so uncomfortable. He asked about my drug use in a way that was gross and shamey and basically him seeing me as the “coke whore” stereotype...while continuing to buy me more coke. He also brought and gave us ecstasy pills. He asked really invasive questions about my relationship with my ex, why I stayed, my sex life, etc. It felt like an uncle asking me these questions, I did NOT wanna talk about any of this with him. But from what I did say it was very clear to someone with 44 years of life experience that I had an abusive mother, an addictive personality, and was in an unhealthy relationship. He offered to set me up with an SD friend of his looking for a sugar baby. I of course declined because I always knew this was a boundary I wasn’t willing to cross. No matter how bad my addictions got I would NOT give up that piece of myself in return for money.

In this part of Mexico, drugs that were only given with a prescription in the US were available over the counter. Kiara and I got a little box of 1mg Xanax with my money. My ex had given us Xanax a couple times in NY and we had fun with it, but at this point in time we did NOT have a problem with it. We had bought one bar, broken it in half, and each took half one night of Halloween week and called it “xanpires”, but this wasn’t something we were scripted or buying regularly from plugs. We went to dinner with her SD, we got up to go to the bathroom, and she immediately slipped and hit the ground. I was like woah did you take one of the xans and forget? Because we were supposed to tell each other if we were taking one so we could look out for each other. I was never mad at her! I never wanted money from her! I was just a little concerned, and once I determined that she was safe we thought it was kinda funny that she had taken a xan without realizing and started joking around about it. Her SD of course didn’t understand how a 19 year old and 21 year old girl joke with each other because he was a creepy old man, decided that we were “arguing”, and got up from the restaurant, walked across the street, bought a 90 count bottle of 2mg xans and gave it to me. This was honestly the most irresponsible way someone has ever treated me in my life, and this is coming from someone with an abusive and neglectful parent. Google “benzo withdrawal” if you’re not familiar with it.

We went to a different hotel, and Kiara and I both took xans and blacked out. I passed out on the guest bed, while Kiara was awake but in a conscious blackout. I woke up on the couch on the balcony (which was fine, it was comfy and I saw the sunrise over the beach. The gross part was that meant her SD had picked me up, put his hands on my body while I was unconscious and carried me out there). I remembered that at one point I had woken up, wanted to go to the bathroom or get something from inside, caught a glimpse of what I thought was them having sex, and went back outside. I mentioned it to Kiara and she had no memory of it whatsoever, she thought all she had done was gone to sleep. She was rightfully pissed the fuck off that her SD had taken advantage and done things with her while she was blacked, screamed at him, he gave us a half ass apology, and bought us more stuff (buying our silence). He finally flew home and we got to enjoy the trip with just each other, but I was careless with the dosage of a drug called tramadol, and I ODed with my head in her lap...I’m sorry. When I woke up I was hallucinating, hearing voices, crying hysterically and terrified. Kiara called my ex who asked how many mg I took, told us I was 100mg short of the amount that would require medical attention, made me laugh, and told me to go to sleep. I recognize how scary and unfair to her this was and I really do take responsibility for my actions. The day I was supposed to leave I did ecstasy, hooked up with a guy from Canada, and tried to skip my flight. She was mad because like yeah what the fuck. She got me on the flight, the ecstasy comedown hit, and there’s pictures of me crying in the airport because I hated when we fought.

I was supposed to stop in Miami, then fly back to my college town but while in Miami I texted my granny that I was “sad and really didn’t feel good and could she and my uncle visit me at the airport and bring my uncles dog?”. Her parenting instincts went off that something was very wrong, made me skip the flight, picked me up from the airport and took me to her house where I immediately threw up and ran an extremely high fever that night. She said it was one of the scariest nights of her life and she kept checking on me to see if I needed to go to the hospital. She drove me back to my college town where my guy best friend took me to the ER and it came out that Kiaras SD, in addition to giving me drugs, had also allowed me to drink Mexican tap water throughout the entire trip. I was treated for that + given chlamydia meds just in case since I’d had unprotected sex in a foreign country. I was fine, promised to do better, Kiara forgave me, things started to go back to normal. Except I had begun taking Xanax daily to deal with the anxiety of the illness...and she had a trip to Bali planned.

During that trip things managed to get even worse. She was there with her SD and another Korean friend and her SD was pressuring her and guilting her into sex, isolating her from her friend, going through her phone, and becoming extremely aggressive. She would call me crying and having panic attacks and I would walk out of class to try to comfort her over FaceTime. She did not have panic attacks before this trip. She begged to go home early because something was very wrong but he said it was a waste of money and kept her in Bali until the planned end of the trip. I think it was almost a month. She sent me a recording she secretly took of him screaming at her and her saying “don’t touch me, don’t grab me like that, leave me alone”. When she got back to the US I was begging her to stop. I was so worried for her safety. I said the money wasn’t worth it, we’ll get jobs, please just stop. I’m pretty sure he read those messages. We also had a suspicion that he had installed spyware on her phone but were never able to prove it. At this point I also reached out to my dad for help and his response was basically “I don’t care, not my problem, focus on school”. I reached out to my granny who absolutely cared, but her response was “I’m sorry but I can’t afford to support her, I have to focus on taking care of you, if she won’t stop this you’ll have to stop being friends with her”.

I went home to New York for winter break, suffered through my first round of Xanax withdrawal and was truly trying to get better but my ex manipulated his was back in my life and got me addicted again....but now this bottle of 90 had run out. I went back to my college town, got scripted, and was copping street bars when my script inevitably ran out early. What comes next is blurry for obvious reasons. We moved to the town in Florida my granny lived in and got an apartment together. The female friends she made in our town (my current home) she got most of them into sugaring and using SeekingArrangement. Things deteriorated super fast at this point. I was struggling hard, failing my online classes, and eventually got completely financially cut off by my parents. My granny was paying my half of the rent and my puppy’s vet bills but I was too embarrassed to admit I couldn’t afford groceries. Kiara was pressuring me hard to go on SeekingArrangement but I still refused. I would sit on the floor of the bathroom in a towel after I showered and just cry because the steam made me nauseous and dizzy since I wasn’t eating.

I met my current boyfriend and something just started to click: I didn’t wanna live like this anymore. The mom of a friend from this town who also refuses to sugar landed me an interview at the gym I currently work at, I fought for the job, and I got it. Now I knew I didn’t wanna be completely fucked up all the time anymore but I was still doing enough Xanax to keep me out of withdrawal. The 2mg that had blacked me out at the beginning were now just barely enough to keep me functional. Kiara and I were fighting frequently and bad by this time. She and her partner in sugaring, Mena (not her real name but pretty close to it, fuck this bitch fr) were expecting me to keep how they made their money a secret....from friends and guys that I saw every single day. They both very obviously did not work and were flexing new cars, designer clothes, and cash all over their social media. Kiara thought she could cover her ass by saying she dealt drugs but it was also obvious that she wasn’t putting the time into that to come up with the amount of money she had. The only one dealing drugs was me, and not enough to do anything flashy, just enough that in addition to my work money I was usually getting enough to eat. But there were still some times when the previous weeks paycheck had run out and I was having my first meal of the day at 3pm after someone had bought adderall from me. We had our serious serious fight where she threw my stuff in the lawn and I lived with my current boyfriend full time for about a couple weeks since my bedroom at my granny’s was getting refloored when this happened.

By January 20th he was concerned by my Xanax problem and wanted me to seriously try to stop. At the time I started tapering because I wanted the girlfriend title but I’m forever grateful for him giving me a reason, even if it was a shallow one, because I just needed to START. We tried to reconcile once, despite boyfriend and guy best friend begging me not to, and of course the same problems reappeared, we had another serious fight and haven’t spoken since.

Now the fog is clearing and today I’m 96 days clean of xanax, 16 days clean of all benzos, and 19 days clean of gabapentin (what was keeping me from having a seizure while quitting benzos). But it’s hard because being out of the fog means feeling all of my emotions, even the really bad ones. This past week I’ve been waking up and crying sitting in front of my mirror trying to put my makeup on for work and it just drips right off and I have to start over. She was my best friend for 8 years. My favorite person. My partner in life. I loved her more than anyone.

My boyfriend and guy best friend are pretty uncomfortable when they hear someone express an opinion of me that’s “Kiara’s side of the story” and I don’t correct it. Both of them saw exactly how bad it got near the very end and don’t get why I don’t defend myself more or tell people about her letting my dog eat dab (THC) wax while she was supposed to be watching her and having to be rushed to the animal hospital TWO separate times. (She’s a Pomeranian and the highly concentrated THC was super dangerous to her tiny little body). Yelling at me and giving me the silent treatment because less than 48 hours after my SA she expected me to drive her to a hair appointment in Miami and I woke up late and didn’t get her there on time with traffic. Me begging her to be there for me when it felt like everything was falling apart and I self harmed for the first time and her leaving me to go on a vacation to Orlando with a girl we didn’t even really like. Me not wanting to sleep in the apartment alone after my SA and her not letting me sleep in her bed anymore, her and Mena just dumping me at the neighbor’s so they could continue to sugar, party, and see guys our age at night (this sounds super awful but neighbors roommate —> current boyfriend. He kept me safe until I felt better, was really sweet and careful, and I was the one to make the first move). There’s more but I really don’t like talking about it, after the abuse she went through and I assume is still going through, I expect her to be pretty damaged and not have it in her to treat people right all the time. Not exposing every bad thing she’s ever done to all our mutual friends and acquaintances is kind of my last gift to her.

I also admit that sugaring wasn’t responsible for everything that went wrong. Loving an addict is difficult and exhausting and I went through it myself with my ex. I was also out bi and she was “probably straight, maybe a little bi-curious” in her words. But when she was drunk or on Xanax she’d kiss me first...we had done more than kiss but only during 3somes with a guy. I don’t know, I think I loved her more than I was supposed to and some of the stuff she’d say made me think she saw me in a way she really didn’t. When we first moved to this town I had a thing with a girl and expected it to be no big deal but things here were different than up north. I got called the d slur for the first time by someone who wasn’t joking. It was like getting slapped I was so shocked and hurt, I truly didn’t think that happened anymore. I think she saw what happened to me and kinda closed off that part of herself because she didn’t wanna experience that herself. She stopped making out with me at bars and parties after that and it made me sad and maybe a little jealous. But I really do blame her SD for basically “breaking her”, for handing me that first bottle of free Xanax, for a lot of other little things that I can’t possibly include because this is already way too long. This is my first time even saying this much. Feel free to add your own experiences or thoughts on this or anything you’d like. [I’m prepared to get death threats or called a SWERF or whatever but I don’t care, now that I started talking about this I’m not going to stop.]

[p0gue420]

!Too Young To Feel Numb! (Kie x Reader)

ATTENTION!! There are a lot of trigger warnings in this one! Including: drinking, drugs, talks of feeling alone, depression.

Summary: Y/n started smoking weed at the age of 8, It’s all she’d known; She grew up around it so it was normal for her to start super young, she told herself that’s the farthest she’d go...only smoking weed..never any hard drugs. She thought she could learn from her parent's mistakes, guess not. 

pairing: Kie x female!reader, Rafe x Platonic! reader, JJ x Sister figure! reader

Warnings: Substance abuse, depression, suicidal thoughts, marijuana Underage drinking,(reader is 15),

A/N: Alot of grammar errors because i dont feel like checking it so sorry....not really,hehe

---------

I use to think people were crazy for even thinking about doing anything harder than weed. Yeah...I was like 7 so it doesn’t count.”Yo you gonna babysit that shit or pass it, I mean...I have all day but  would love to do something besides wait for you to pass the blunt.” I rolled my eyes waiting for JJ to hand it to me.”Chill, what’s up your ass today?”

He finally passes it, after what felt like hours. I take a long hit before seeing he’s actually wanting me to answer his question.”Nothin. man, I’ve just got places to be.” I mumbled out hoping he wouldn’t start asking any further questions. He stares blankly awaiting me to pass it back, knowing I don’t share my feelings so he simply lays off. “Hey. You trynna go surfing today….whenever you’re done with your….things..?”

“Uhh, yeah text me and-” I’m cut off by the sound of my phone vibrating...Barry.

Barry:

Meet in twenty? I got extra today

I look up from my phone stuttering my words, and fumbling.“Uhm, I gotta go do something, but I’ll text you later to surf, yeah?” I say nodding towards JJ as I began walking out.”Uhm yea sure, hey-” I was already out the door.”-be safe.” he muttered to himself left wondering why I left so fast. On the way to my bike, I ran into Kie and Pope laughing about something before Kie began to make her way over towards me.

“Hey, Y/n! Heading out so fast, are we?”Kie pouted her lip out mimicking a whimpering sound.” heh, yeah sorry bub. I gotta go handle some things and I’ll be back later.” I peck her lips in a swift movement as well as pull up the front of her crop top, covering her exposed cleavage.”Those are my love,keep them covered” I wink at her. She laughs and heads inside after blowing me a kiss,that I catch and pretend to place in my heart..Wow im so whipped.

My thoughts cut off by a loud vibrating noise.

Barry:

You coming?

Read: 46 sec.ago

Me:

Omw now!

Read: just now

I hop on my bike heading over to Barry’s place knowing a shortcut I found a few days ago.

It only takes 10 minutes before i’m in front of his house walking up the steps of the porch.My clean oxygen is immediately replaced by the smell of cigarettes,weed,and...Is that burnt hair?I scrunch my face in disgust at the awful smells.”Aye look who it is!” Barry calls out after seeing my face, He’s standing beside..Rafe cameron.

Now...I’m not friends with Rafe but i also don’t exactly despise him.I babysat wheezie all summer last year,most the time he’d join..keep me company;I don’t think he knew i was with Kie but he’s not all bad.He’s helped me more times than I can count,only because i've done the same for him though.

“Yo waddup.I didn’t expect to see you here.” I share a short handshake with Barry and side hug Rafe,he seems unprepared for it so he stumbles a bit but eventually hugs back quickly.”uh yeah.just doing some..business” Rafe says avoiding eye contact,looking everywhere except my face.”anyway i'm gonna head out, i'll catch you guys later.” Rafe walks towards,im guessing his bike;I head inside following barry so i didn’t really catch what he drove in.

“So like I said I've got your usual ,and then I got a little extra something I thought you may like.”He continues on but I'm so wrapped up in the fact that I want to consume something soon,anything;I don’t know exactly what he's saying.”Sound good?” He asked “Uh what?sorry I zoned out a bit.”I shook my head pushing my long hair out of my eyes.”Look,Usually altogether this would be alot of money but considering I stole the pills,I'll spare you the oxy,wadda yuh say?”, “Yeah sure,80$?”

He nods his head holding his hand out as i hand him the money.He hands you a bag full of coke in a plastic baggy, along with the pills in its original container it was prescribed. “Ight,thanks man.Ill see you later next week!” I wave goodbye as I show myself out, shoving the ‘things’ I had bought into my bag and swinging it back on my back.

~Incoming call from:Bubbs<3

I instantly pick up not wanting to worry her.

I instantly hear the boys laughing and playing in the background,but wait for her to say something.”Hey baby, you heading back yet?” Kie questioned sounding bored of the childish boys we spend our time with.”Not yet,i promise im almost done,ask the boys if there's drinks at the chateau please.”She turns her head away from the boys asking what there is to drink besides sink water.

I hear a chorus of “We just stocked up”,”All good momma bird.” and other sayings coming from the overly hyper boys.”Did you hear that,or need me to repeat?” She hesitantly says, making sure I’m still listening ”Gotcha,I'm headed your way now,see you there” I say quickly hanging up without giving her time to respond.

I hop on my bike and drive towards…...the opposite of the chateau,instead deciding to go to the Camerons.I drive,stuck in thought of what ill do when i get there,not quite sure why i decided to come.I had been so lost in thought I didn’t realise I was suddenly at the Cameron residence. I park my bike and began walking up to the door,but before I can knock,Rafe walks up behind me.

“Y/n?” I swiftly turn around being scared for a minute before realizing who it was.”Oh!uhm. yeah...hey” I ‘smoothly’ say”what are you doing here?” he asks..The whole conversation was a blur and before I knew it I was walking up to his room to hang out.I sit on the bed laying back asking about what he wants to do.”I don't know,you came here,what'd you have in mind?” He asked curiously.”I'm not sure.” I snorted at my inability to maintain a conversation.

I dig into my bag as he starts up about how he broke his bed frame the other day, because he put too many boxes on the bed while getting rid of some old things. I finally found what I was looking for,the baggy of white powder.I lifted it up smiling widely.”Can I do this here or no?”I question,feeling my body begin to sweat at the thought of getting to snort the white powder.

“Uh,I mean.. yea sure,didn't know you did that kind of thing.. but I mean go ahead.” He rambles. He stares into space as I do a few lines, my eyes opening wide at the sensation of sudden adrenaline;I look over to see him trying not to stare.”Oh my bad,You want some?” I ask holding up the dollar folded into a cylinder shape , gesturing to the lines of coke spread on the dresser.

---

Hours go by,giggling,cracking jokes with rafe as well as doing oxy and maybe overdoing it with the coke seeing as the bag was almost gone.Rafe hasn't done much.I on the other hand was feeling VERY shaky and everything was just so hilarious..until it wasnt.My high started to get bad and overall scary.I must've did too much in such a limited amount of time.I look at my phone .

17 missed calls from Bubbs<3

8 missed calls from John B:)

9 missed calls from Popey boi

11 missed calls from JJ

Incoming call from Bubbs<3

“He-h-hello ,hi,hey.”

“DON'T ‘HI’ ME!” Kie instantly began screaming into the phone making me move my face away from it as Rafe looked at me with a worried expression on his face.

“Y/n,Where have you been! I’ve been so worried! I’ve-” I Blanked out again not in the mood to be yelled at.”Yeah,hey I nee-need,will-can youcomeandpickme up” I say jumbling all my words together. “Are you okay?Why are you talking like that?''She ask worried about my state of mind.

“Yeah am- I fine,Yes” I say yet again struggling to sound normal. I guess I was on speaker because JJ immediately began yelling into the phone asking about where I was.”Rafes house” Rafe sat silently waiting for them to break out into hysterics about me being with him.The phone went silent for a moment before the call ended.”So does that mean they not-....Vodka” was all i said before heading downstairs Rafe was sober enough to be able to notice what i was doing.I quickly went downstair searching through the freezer.

“Yessss.”I exclaimed before chugging the vodka.”Rafe continuously asking me to give him the bottle.I chugg at least half the pint bottle before having to give it up because Sarah comes down the stairs.”Y/n what're you doing here?” She asks excitedly until she saw me tripping over my own feet walking towards her,”Woah!” she caught me just before I hit the floor.

She turned to the door hearing someone pull up.Kie.”Rafe what did you do to her?” Sarah asked, holding me up scared of how out of it I was.”SHE BROUGHT COKE HERE,i did a bit with her, but she did A LOT. I legit did nothing this time I swear on everything!”He trailed back up the stairs not caring about the situation now that Sarah was there to take care of you. 

I began to sweat, tears running down my face. scared of what's happening to me.John b and Kie rush through the front doors asking where I am.”IN HERE GUYS!” Sarah screamed for them to hear her.My eyes rolling to the back of my head as I went in and out of consciousness.

“BABYYYY!!!” i exclaimed making grabby hands at Kie as i started crying harder

Sarah helped me stand up shakingly as I tried to walk to my girlfriend,She came running towards me with a concerned look on her face. She grabs my face pecking my lips,”Bub. I need you to listen to me, okay?” I nodd in awe of the gorgeous girl in front of me.”John B is gonna take you to the van,we need you to tell us everything you took to get in this state, okay?” I drowsily  nodded,growing tired.

Just as she said,the tall boy picked me up bridal style carrying me out to the twinkie.

I take notice to seating arrangement so i can close my eyes and know whos talking ,JJ being in the passenger seat,Pope watching From the bench behind the driver's seat.Kie stepped up into the van sitting on the floor of the vehicle waiting for John B to place me down beside her.As he did I sat up enough to lean my back against her chest.

JJ was surprisingly silent.Too silent.Pope looked so worried at my sweating body and dripping wet hair from  sweat,tears,and vodka mixture.”Okay,Y/n,What did you take?” my girlfriend sits grabbing my face turning me to face her, my legs straddling her thighs on the floor as I nuzzle my head into the crook of her neck,but she pushes my head up making me pout but not being able to maintain due to the dizziness. “I took a few oxy,uhm when I -then i did a few lines of coke,and…..i chugged half a pint of vodka..” i said tears filling my eyes trying to not look into anyone's eyes,

Silent JJ was no more .”Are you fucking kidding me.Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n.You’re not supposed to take oxy and drink alcohol together.much less do oxy or coke at all.ARE YOU DUMB!” JJ began turning around. A Quiet ‘im sorry’ came from my mouth.John B finally pulled into the chateau.

Kie carried me while my face stayed nuzzled in her neck still crying due to my,still,VERY high state.she sat me down on the couch out on the porch as everyone except her,went to get a few things.Pope came back with water and a wet rag to place on my head.JJ brought a blanket,John B came back empty handed because he only went inside to pee.

“Kie?” I whispered scared she was mad.”Yes baby?” 

“Are you mad at me?” I questioned hiding my face in her shoulder due to the amount of dizziness being insured. She leaned her head on mine with an unknown amount of emotions,not quite sure of how to fully answer. “No I- I just don’t know what you were thinking I just- Well I figured you wouldn’t ever do anything like this considering what we talked about-and -and what you went through with your parents..” 

“I know-I wanted to feel better tho..I just feel like i have no one-”

Shortly realising the guys were still in on the conversation as Pope cut in.

“Y/n, you have,and always will have us..” I lift my head from the girls shoulder  before slowly looking at Pope in his sad worried eyes.

“I guess, I like-I dont know guys what you want me to say..Im trying to be better for myself for everybody,but nothing was working and i ran into barry one day and we talked and he offered a way to help,of course i was hesitant but its really not that bad...Im actually fine!” I said standing up as John b followed me.

“y/n, you were just saying you need help,so what the fuck are we supposed to do ,one minute you need help and having to be ushered here so you dont die! And-and-the next thing you’re yelling at us about how your fine,you’re not fine and you know it!” I stopped as I watched the long haired boy fight back tears trying to explain how all of them feel.

“Fuck you guys honestly,Im not a child i know how i feel,this is all just bullshit!” I yelled at them all, I ran to the spare bedroom covered in sweat,tears,and vodka; I slowly sink into the bed as tears fall down my face crying myself to sleep,what i didn’t know was that my bestfriend’s and girlfriend were all huddled up outside the door awaiting me to fall asleep so that they could come in and cuddle me to make me feel better.Sometimes things get better, but i dont think this is one of those times atleast for now anyway..

[asthmark]

❝ lucky ❞, z.c

pairing → chenle, reader

genre → fluff, angst? a lil??

word count → 3.1k (woah!!)

summary → "you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it?"

a/n → this is 1000% inspired by this pic that dropped yesterday like.....chenle looked so good it reminded me why i bias him!!!! anyway i kind of like this it has rich chenle and daddy issues thats all xoxo (also i did not proofread like at all so if theres any typos it was taeil's fault lol)

everyone in the room is utterly unbearable.

you understand it's rude to think so but you're sure that if you were to tell any of them this they would instantly agree with you. of course, you would never do that. because you're a ceo's daughter; you're not allowed to have an opinion that would make you look imprudent, rude or anything less of perfect.

so what do you do? you smile. you make small talk. you try your best to ignore your sore feet that are confined in your pumps and the way your dress rides up your butt. your lack of manners could not and would not be the reason your father missed out on any chance to make some more money. he made that very clear to you. after all, the only reason he dragged you along to all these house parties was so you could make make a stellar impression. he wanted all the businessmen in the room to remember mr. l/n and his charming young daughter when they got in their limousines and drove back home so that they'd remember when they discussed mergers and new projects.

you were never comfortable with the idea of your father essentially using you as some sort of accessory but you sometimes went days on end without seeing him so you took what time you could get. of course, helping him build his empire and boost his reputation wasn't your preferred daddy-daughter activity but you would never tell him that. it would just cause problems in your already rocky relationship and you certainly didn't need that.

"y/n." speak of the devil. "why don't you make conversation with the other guests? or better yet, come talk to these investors. i'm sure they'd love to meet you."

you know exactly what your father means by that so you try to find a reason to decline. anything would be better than watching him suck up to anyone with deep pockets and try to get you to do the same. "um." you repress a relieved sigh when you catch sight of yuna entering and handing her coat to a housekeeper. "actually i see my friend over there. i think i'll just go talk to her."

he frowns and you realize his face seems to be permanently stuck like that when he was around you. you can't remember the last time you'd seen an authentic smile from him. you suppose that was reserved for when he was trying to seal a deal.

"just behave yourself," he says. he leans into your ear. "remember, people are watching."

then he's gone, leaving you standing alone for a split second before yuna comes and takes his place.

"hey!" she draws out the word for dramatic effect.

"hi," you respond, your greeting lacking the enthusiasm hers held. she wasn't your favorite person but it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't observing your every move. it gave you a break from the ridiculous standards everyone else seemed to hold you to.

she brushes her bangs out of her eyes as she sized you up. "ooh, i love your heels! how much?"

"like 15 bucks." her jaw drops and you can't help but giggle. "yeah, i bought them at a thrift store. just don't tell my dad."

she grins. "wow, i always thought thrifting was for poor people but i just might have to check it out now."

that was the thing about yuna. she was stupid rich and she wouldn't have it any other way. she loved designer brands and houses so big you could get lost in them. you didn't blame her for any of that but it was the fact that she didn't mind the stuffy dinner parties and being shown off that was a little puzzling to you. unlike you, she had perfected her fake laugh and polite small talk long ago and sometimes you wondered if she really did care about all these companies and powerful men. but you know that as long as she gets to wear her thousand dollar dresses and go home to her cozy mansion, she'll be happy. she did what it took to keep her lavish lifestyle and was a little too materialistic for your liking and you guess that's where you and her are different.

you finally answer her. "yeah, definitely. it's a lot of fun."

her eyes light up. "we should go together one of these days!"

your silence is definitely too long but thankfully, yuna doesn't notice. her short attention span had caused her to focus on something else—more specifically, someone.

"oh my god," she says. "who is that?"

a boy who looks around your age has appeared, accompanied by a middle-aged man in a suit. the older man is more put together by far but you still can't help but stare at who you assume to be his son. he's wearing a black jacket on top of a striped shirt and you notice that chains hang from his neck. a belt holds up a pair of dark and tight pants. and, god, is he wearing converse?

you can't help but crack a smile at that. you envy his comfortable look; you would trade all the chanel and prada in the world just to wear a t-shirt and pair of sneakers and not have everyone in the room judge you for it. but his outfit isn't the only thing you admire. he must have crazy amounts of confidence to show up looking like he does when being surrounded by so many managers, executives, and company heads. you can only imagine what they're thinking and yet, the boy didn't seem to care or look uncomfortable in the slightest. in fact, he seems oddly at ease, his eyes scanning the room. at one point his eyes sweep over you and you lock eyes.

you watch as he brushes his bangs out of his face, almost like he's trying to get a better look at you. you only stare back, shifting your weight from one leg to the other. he offers you a half smile, his eyes squinting slightly and cheeks growing. you can't help but smile back, noticing just how the stranger's had an adorable baby face.

he looks away when he notices his father gravitating towards a group of businessmen and follows him. you almost wonder if he was in the same position as you were, if he was nothing but a poster child who was shown off at every event and party there was. then you notice how his father holds him tightly and smiles widely—genuinely—when he introduces him to others.

your father never did that. he wouldn't let you wear clothes like that either. you could only assume that this boy and his father were different from the rest of you. maybe they sat down and had dinner together everyday? talked to each other about their day? you almost throw the idea out of your head completely because it seems just too foreign to you.

"oh my god," yuna says. that seemed to be her favorite phrase. "i've never seen them before. what do you think they're doing here?"

you shrug. "maybe they're new to town?"

she hums. you both stay silent, observing the pair before yuna seems to grow impatient. "well i'm gonna go meet them. i can't handle being out of the loop. wanna come?"

you say agree. you feel obligated to. for the first time in forever you're actually interested in something at one of these dull parties, you're not going to stand around and just watch.

you approach the newcomers, both your fathers and a couple other businessmen conversing with them. you wonder if they've already asked them how much they're worth or if they had the decency to wait a minute before sticking their noses in their business. but, you knew how people like them operated; decency was way too much to ask.

"hi daddy!" yuna enters the conversation swiftly.

"hi, sweetheart," her father responds, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "this is my precious daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to yuna. "he and his son are visiting us all the way from our china branch. yuna, introduce yourself."

she doesn't need to be told twice. "hello, i'm yuna. i'm 17 years old and i'm studying at daewon preparatory. we're glad to have you here.it's a pleasure to meet you both."

mr. zhong smiles fondly at her. "the pleasure is all mine, young lady. what a beautiful daughter you have, mr. shin. she seems very capable."

yuna's father pulls her close to him, smiling at mr. zhong then her. "she sure is." you catch the subtle wink he throws her way, a silent 'good job' for that cute little introduction she did which was sure to score them some popularity points with the zhongs.

your father pulls you close to him and wraps an arm around your figure. both mr. zhong and mr. shin seem to be quite the fans of physical contact and although your father was not, you know that if that's what it took to make a good impression, he would become one, at least for the night.

"this is my daughter, mr. zhong." he turns to you and you take it as a cue to say something.

"hello, mr. zhong. i'm y/n." your introduction ends there and you feel your dad's grip on your arm tighten, indicating how unsatisfied he was with your brief answer.

you catch mr. zhong's son smile for the second time that night. although there is no mysterious eye contact this time, just a cute boy probably making fun of your lame introduction.

"well, how old are you, y/n?" mr. zhong asks, making conversation for you.

"i'm eighteen."

"oh, so is my son! isn't that right, chenle?"

his son—chenle—nods.

"well, i think we should leave the children to become acquainted. what do you think, gentlemen?"

everyone seems to agree. then, all that's left is the three of you.

to your surprise, chenle speaks first and it's a reintroduction. "i'm chenle."

you copy him. "i'm y/n."

"and i'm yuna. so, you're from china right?" she doesn't give him a chance to respond. "i read that there are over four million millionaires there. are you one of them?"

he furrows his brows and you can't help but sigh at yuna's question. she was fixed on the money aspect of things, as usual.

"i guess," he says, giving it little thought.

she practically squeals. "you're probably one of the youngest in the country! have you ever thought about that?"

"not really. i don't really like to think about money or these companies or big shot business dudes or any of that," he says, bluntly. "i mean, it would just make me feel more privileged than i already am. besides, it's all just a big headache. i'll leave it for the old man."

yuna's face falls and you hold in a laugh.

you finally chime in. "you know what, i have to agree. so much money can drive a person crazy. sometimes it even goes straight to their heads."

chenle can't hold back his amused snort. both him and yuna know exactly who you're referring to.

she wastes no time defending herself.  "but, with reason y/n. to be fair, only 1% of millionaires are under 35 and here i am at 16."

you restrain yourself from scoffing. "well i'm sure the other 99% of the population doesn't get things handed to them on a silver platter by their daddy, yuna."

she stares you down, her huge, hazel eyes never leaving your e/c ones. "i think it'd be best if i excused myself. i'm going to go find my father, if you both don't mind."

"not at all," chenle mumbles as you both watch her stomp away.

you exhale loudly. "i knew i was gonna snap one of these days."

"well, if you didn't i would have," chenle responds.

"frankly, i don't regret a thing," you say, turning back to his smiling face.

"mm, and what if she tells daddy?" he inquires, folding his arms.

you playfully raise a brow. "i'll have you know, i'm one of the 1% of millionaires that are under 35, i think i have the advantage."  

he giggles. "oh god, that was unbelievable. where did she even get those numbers from?"

"i have no idea but it was just… painful to watch. i'm gonna need a breath of fresh air after that."

he nods in agreement and you both walk towards the nearby balcony.  you step outside, the breeze whipping your hair all over the place and leaving goosebumps on your skin.

"you know," he begins before silence can settle upon you two for too long. "i was really hoping there would be someone around my age here tonight. and i don't know if you usually come to these things or if you don't but either way, i am so glad you're here."

this comment reminds you of the way he had stared you down upon arriving and it makes your face feel a little warm despite the cool air of the night. "'cause i'm the only thing standing between you and a wonderful night with yuna."  

"oh i'm sure it would've been real wonderful." he gives you a 'yeah right' look. "we couldn't even hang around each other for more than five minutes, i'm positive it would've been a long night."

you nod. "every night with her is. usually she's the only person i end up talking to at these things and let me just say, i think she's more money-hungry than all the men in there combined."

chenle whistles, lowly. "combined? that's dangerous."

"yeah, she takes after daddy," you mutter, picking at your nail polish that has begun to peel.

"what a relief you don't," he says. "or else i think i would have thrown myself off this balcony by now."

"well, you don't have to worry about that. you and i are on the same boat. money doesn't interest me all that much. definitely not to that extent."

"what does interest you?" chenle asks, turning his attention to you instead of the city lights in the distance.

you shrug. "i haven't figured it out yet. i'm too busy trying to be perfect. and i have a long way to go. just ask my dad, he seems to have really strong opinions on the matter."

"oh, i get it," he says. "you're so focused on being the perfect daughter that you haven't figured out what's going on in there." he wiggles his finger around your forehead.

"i just… want to make him happy. i want to see him smile because of me. even if 'me' is that daughter he expects me to be. i'm okay with being her. i'll take it."

chenle furrows his eyebrows and suddenly he doesn't seem to get it anymore. "you really... become an entirely different person? just for him? i mean, you seem like a good daughter. i don't understand that, y/n."

"and you won't understand, chenle," you respond. "because your dad loves you. he lets you wear your edgy clothes to business parties and doesn't worry about what everyone else is gonna think. he doesn't worry about first impressions, he doesn't force you to become someone else for strangers. he doesn't put any business deal above you. he doesn't chose his job over you, chenle and that's great. i'm so happy that's not the case with you. but it is for me. and when you know that the only time your dad is going to want anything to do with you is when you can help him make a quick buck or good impression, you resort to facades and doing anything you can to make him appreciate you. just a little."

chenle's arms envelop your shivering figure before you can say another word. his hands run up and down your arms and his chin rests atop your head. he inhales deeply, taking in your wonderful scent. he knows it's probably some off the wall expensive perfume.

"i'm so sorry, y/n," he mumbles into your coconut scented locks. "i'm sorry that you have to do that and that i won't ever be able to understand it. you just deserve… so much more than that. do you realize how true that must be for a boy you just met today to see it? and it breaks my heart that your own father doesn't because you really shouldn't have to suffer through that. he doesn't have his priorities straight but that shouldn't be an excuse for him to neglect his own daughter." he detaches from you so he can look directly into your glossy eyes, holding you at an arm's length away.  "and he has no idea what he's missing out on, y/n. you're so headstrong, so humble and so much more than just a pretty face or someone's daughter. and if he can't treat you like the incredible individual you are then...." he exhales and you catch his breath blow in the air. "then please let me."

your bottom lip is quivering. you had never heard such nice words. and you don't have the slightest idea what he means by that last bit but you still nod and jump right back into his arms. because you have decided that's where you feel safest. where you can be yourself, freely and unapologetically.

"the second i walked in this place, i hated it," he mumbles and a laugh escapes your lips. "but then i saw you. and it got a little better. then i met you. and it got a lot better. we just met but i already can't seem to get enough of you, y/n." he chuckles as if he can't believe it himself. "you must be something really special. and i have the privilege of seeing that."

you move away from his chest and look up at him. your hands thread through his tufts of hair that match the darkness of the night sky. his hands stay planted firmly at his waist. you feel like he has no intention of letting go. you would be lying if you said you did either. and neither of you seem to have a problem with it.

"i can't wait for you to finally feel what it's like to be treated how you deserve. and i can't wait to be the guy to show you. i am so, so lucky."

you smile, your teeth on display. "i'm actually so glad i came tonight. that is definitely a first."

he laughs. "speaking of firsts..." he trails off, shyly.

you raise a brow, just to tease him a bit. "what are you getting at, mr. zhong?"

he knows you're joking yet his heart pounds as he leans in and asks for permission to kiss you. "may i, ms. l/n?"

"you may," you respond, meeting him halfway.

[tachimybananase]

Hiki & Howl

Original work by yours truly I’m working on this fic for 4 or 5 years now. This is the 3rd reboot, which some might find annoying or stupid, but since I’ve developed a lot as a “writer”, I want to make my existing works better (well, hopefully ^^) If you’ve read this before, please consider reading it again, because it’s very different from the last version! I hope you’ll enjoy this story and like the characters, they mean the world to me. :) You can also find me on Wattpad and AO3.  Summary: Hiki grew up in a strict Yakuza family with a harsh father and an abusive mother. After a traumatizing event, he lost all hope to ever find true happiness. Until, one day, a stranger came into his life and turned everything upside down.

Chapter 1 - Fate

"Hello, I'm here to meet Ueda-san. I have an appointment." A blond man in a black Audi Q7 sat waiting in front of a big iron gate. It took a moment after he had answered the intercom before the gate began to slowly open. "Follow the road until you reach the main building," a deep voice told him. The man did as he was told, following a graveled path for about five minutes until he arrived at a plaza stationed in front of a grand mansion. The mansion's architecture displayed a distinguished amalgamation of traditional Japanese charm and modern flair. He parked his car, got out, and adjusted his suit and tie before pushing up his glasses and walking to the entrance door. Giving no thought to hesitation, he rang the doorbell to which a buff, bald, gorilla of a man in a black designer suit answered. "Follow me," the man ordered, so he entered the house. They walked through the entrance hall and followed a long hallway, passing several doors before they finally reached their destination. The gorilla opened the door and gestured for him to walk inside. "Wait here," he growled. Doing as he was told he sat down on a black leather sofa, where he soon found himself alone. The room was bright and big, but the interior was quite spartan. Next to the sofa was a chair and a coffee table. On the wall to the right was a cupboard with an expensive-looking vase and a framed picture on it. Through the large glass door right across from him, he had a good view of the big, well-kept garden, which looked more like a park sizewise. Driven by curiosity, Howl got up to take a closer look at the picture on the cupboard. “Oh, a family portrait,” he mumbled to himself. The parents were sitting on two wooden chairs in the middle surrounded by five kids. The mother looked completely indifferent, and the father had a threatening aura. He knew that man’s face from the newspapers. It was the person he had an appointment with, and he wondered if the rumors were true. Are they really yakuza? Well, they sure look like it , Howl thought as he looked at the family in their expensive-looking, traditional yukata. Out of their five children, only two were smiling. One of them a teenage boy. He stood behind two smaller boys that looked close in age, his hands placed on their shoulders. He guessed the smaller boys, who were holding hands, were around ten. The bigger of the two was smiling as well, while the other looked shy, almost intimidated, but very cute. There was also a teenage girl that looked like she was pouting, and another boy that looked slightly older than her, with the same earnest expression as his father. Such a big family, but aside from those three boys in the corner, there was no feeling of happiness or wholesomeness whatsoever. Suddenly the door opened. Someone entered the room and Howl turned around. "Oh, there's someone in here, I'm sorry for disturbing!" A young man with long, rose blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, bowed. "I-I wanted to take a shortcut to the garden." He pointed at the glass door. "I assume you're waiting for my father…" "Yes, I am. My name is Harada Howl, nice to meet you," Howl answered. "N-Nice to meet you, I'm Ueda Hikaru," the boy replied politely but shy. Woah, he's cute , Howl thought instantly and suddenly realized… "You look like one of the boys in this portrait. Is this you?" He pointed at the smallest boy who looked intimidated. "Oh, yeah. That's me. Um, your name… It's quite unusual..." He changed the subject, but then he suddenly bowed. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I didn’t mean to be so intrusive.” "It’s fine, don’t worry. My mother was a big fan of the book 'Howl's Moving Castle' by Diana Wynne Jones, and she was a little extravagant, so she named me and my sister after the main characters." Howl replied as he was used to this kind of conversation. People often asked him about his name, which usually made him feel annoyed at his mother for not giving him a more common one. But weirdly, he wasn’t annoyed by that boy. "That's awesome, I immediately thought of that book! That’s why I asked. I love it too, it's one of my favorite stories,” Hikaru exclaimed. "You like reading?" Howl asked and pointed at the book the boy was holding. Hikaru nodded eagerly. "Yes, I love books. It's like living another life… Good books take you away from reality and let you forget where you are, who you are, and even that you're reading at all..." he replied with glowing cheeks and a spark in his eyes. "Your excitement is very refreshing, Ueda-kun," Howl said and smirked. "Oh, umm…" Hikaru blushed and looked down, obviously flustered. "C-Can I offer you some tea while you’re waiting? My father's men aren't very hospitable." "But weren't you on your way to the garden? I don't want to trouble you," Howl replied. "Oh no, I just wanted to go for a walk… I can do that later." "Well, in that case, I would love to have a cup of tea, thank you. But only if you join me." "Sure! Do you like green tea?" Hikaru asked eagerly. "I love green tea," Howl smiled warmly, which made the boy freeze with a surprised expression. Then he blushed and rushed out. Howl slumped back down on the sofa. "What the heck… My heart is beating like crazy…" he mumbled to himself. Is it because of my appointment? No... I’m not the type who gets nervous before meeting a potential client. Then… Is it because of him? I mean… He is really cute, Howl thought. This is a first. Thinking of a guy as cute? Strange... Dammit, I should focus on my appointment, but... After a few minutes, Hikaru came back, carrying a black tray with a teapot, a cup, and a plate of cookies on it. He placed it on the coffee table and sat down next to Howl. "Here you go, Harada-san," he said as he poured him a cup of the healthy brew. "I made the cookies myself, I hope they’re to your liking," Hikaru added nervously. Howl took one of the cookies from the plate and tried it. "Ueda-kun, they're delicious! Hands-down the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had," he praised him. "Ha-Harada-san, are you making fun of me?" The boy asked skeptically. "Not at all! My father's family runs a chain of sweets shops, so you can trust my verdict," Howl winked. "Maybe you've heard of Harada Sweets before?" "Y-Yeah... Um, well, I'll take the compliment then, thank you. I'm very happy that you like them." He looked down shyly and blushed. Howl's heart was throbbing wildly as he was completely bedazzled by this boy's brisk cuteness. He noticed that Hikaru seemed very insecure, but Howl didn't know at the time that it wasn't like him to talk to others so uncoerced. That he usually didn’t speak much at all, but that there was something about Howl that made Hikaru feel comfortable enough to almost forget about his shyness. "Ueda-kun, may I ask how old you were in that picture?" Again, Howl pointed at the photograph on the cupboard. "You're the youngest one of the bunch, right?" "Oh… I was ten when it was taken. I'm the smallest one, but my brother Hajime, who's standing right next to me, is one year younger than me," he explained. He looked sad and Howl wondered why that was the case. “Sorry if my questions make you feel uncomfortable. I’m too nosy.” “No, you’re not, it’s fine, really! I just don’t like looking at that picture. It was taken a year before my brother Satoshi passed away. The one who’s standing behind me.” Howl looked at the broadly smiling boy in the picture. “I’m sorry, my deepest condolences. That was very insensitive of me...” “You couldn’t have known, it’s fine,” the boy replied. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it…” He brushed a strand of hair behind his ear insecurely. "So you're 17 now?" Howl changed the topic to hopefully ease up the boy’s tension again. "I turned 18 on the twenty-second of April." "Oh, that was only three weeks ago… Happy belated birthday!" "Th-Thank you." Hikaru blushed. "Are you attending University yet?" "I'm going to attend T-Uni starting September. Since my birthday is after the start of the spring semester, I decided to begin in September." "T-Uni? That's funny, because…" Howl started, but suddenly the door opened and the gorilla entered the room. "Ueda-dono wants to see you now. Follow me," he said. “Hikaru-sama, you shouldn’t be here,” he added growling after he noticed the boy. “I’m sorry, Kitamura-san. I’ll clean up and leave.” The gorilla nodded and left. Hikaru got up and bowed to Howl. “It was nice talking to you. Um… Sorry, if I bothered you, though.” Howl started panicking internally, he wanted to talk to that boy more! He got up and frantically rummaged around in his pocket, pulled out a flat silver box, opened it, and took out one of the business cards that were inside. "Ueda-kun, I would like to meet you again to continue our conversation. I really enjoyed talking to you. Please call me or send me an email, okay?" The stern expression on Howl’s face as he formally offered him the card with both hands startled Hikaru. He hesitated for a moment and looked at the card without saying anything. It read: 'Harada Howl - Founder and CEO of Castle Tech - IT and Smart Home Security'.   The people that usually came to their house weren't exactly of the upright kind, and it could have been a dummy company, but Hikaru didn't want to be rude to the man, since he had been kind to him. So he took the card and Howl’s earnest expression turned into a relieved smile. “Hey, what’re you waiting for, follow me,” Kitamura barked at him as he reentered the room. They quickly said their goodbyes and Howl left. Hikaru sighed and put the card into his jeans pocket. What a strange guy , he thought as he cleaned up. But he liked my cookies… He smiled, took the tray, and brought it back to the kitchen before he finally went on his walk.Hikaru liked the big garden behind the house, especially the part that was the furthest away from the main building. No one ever walked that far, so he had it all to himself and no one who would disturb him. Hikaru preferred sitting underneath his favorite tree over being inside the house. The atmosphere there was always kind of dark and cold and his father often had 'business partners' over, most of whom were unpleasant people. He didn't feel at home there… Or welcomed even. As he had reached his little hideout, Hikaru made himself comfortable on the ground between the roots of a big cherry tree and took a deep breath of the warm spring air. Then, he suddenly realized something. "Crap, I forgot my book in the room because of that guy…" He sighed, annoyed at himself. "That guy…" Hikaru leaned back against the tree and looked into the cloudy sky while thinking about that stranger. He looked like a foreigner with his blond hair and blue eyes. He was also abnormally tall, at least for Japanese standards. Hiki estimated his size to be around 1,90m. The man’s appearance was quite impressive, not only because of his size. He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and a dark blue vest that flattered his blue eyes and the cut underlined his broad shoulders. His expression was stern, which was emphasized by his black, square-shaped glasses. Yet, he was surprisingly friendly. His smile and his deep voice felt comforting. “He liked my cookies,” Hikaru grinned, but then shook his head. "What am I thinking about…?" He clicked his tongue. It had been the first time that one of his father's associates was nice to him in a non-creepy way. The clientele normally consisted of other Yakuza Clan leaders or members. Growing up as the son of the head of one of the biggest clans wasn't easy, especially because Hikaru despised violence and weapons. His siblings were better at accepting their lifestyle, but he just wanted to get out of that house as soon as possible. “Oh right, he gave me his card…” The boy reached into his jeans pocket and pulled it out. "Harada Howl, huh…" He stared at the card for a moment and wanted to put it back, but then he hesitated. "He was very kind and polite, I should at least thank him for that, right? Yup, definitely. Manners are important," he told himself, took out his phone, and started typing a message. [Thank you very much for praising my cookies earlier. Best regards, Ueda Hikaru.] He tapped the send button, but then jolted. "Wait! No, that sounds stupid, how do I delete this?!” He panicked, and as he tried to find out how to delete a message on the app he was using, his phone suddenly started buzzing. "Wah!" Startled by that, Hikaru dropped it on the ground and looked at the upwards directed display. “It’s his number! Why is he calling?!" Hikaru's heart was pounding so hard, it felt like it was about to burst through his chest. He reached for the device, but the moment he picked it up, it went silent. "I missed it…" He wasn't sure why, but he felt sad. He sighed in frustration when his phone started buzzing again. "Y-YES?!" He answered so eagerly that he cringed over his own behavior. What the hell is wrong with me , he asked himself. "Ueda-kun...? Are you there?" "Yes, it's me! I’m here!" "Can you talk or are you busy?" "It's fine…" "What are you doing right now?" "I'm still in the garden…" Hikaru leaned back against the tree, happy to hear the man's voice. "Isn’t it lonely out there?" "I don’t like people, they’re troublesome. Being alone outside in nature is much better." Did I just say that I don’t like people?! He’ll think I’m a freak , Hikaru thought, panicking. “Yeah, I don’t like people either, but I have to be social due to my job…” Hikaru’s heart throbbed with happiness. “Really...?” “To be honest, I’d rather spend my days writing code alone in my office than socialize. Talking to people is straining, but not talking to clients would be kind of bad for my business.” “Yeah, probably…” Hikaru smiled broadly as he felt understood in that regard for the first time. “Where are you right now?” “I'm in my car on my way home to Tokyo, that’s why I thought I'd call since I can't type and I didn’t want to wait for an hour before answering. Luckily the meeting with your father was over quickly. He knows exactly what he wants, which makes it easy to work with him.” "So it went well?" "Let’s say, your father is quite a character, but yes, it went well and we’re gonna work for him in the future... Honestly, I've never met someone like him before, and to be blunt, I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing." "It sure isn't. So… That means you're not one of them?" "T hem ? Oh, you mean Yakuza?” Howl asked bluntly. “Yeah…” So it is true , he thought. “No, I’m not and that's not my usual clientele, but having him as a client will actually be great for our growth, he has a lot of influence... As long as they don't want me to do anything shady, I don’t care what my clients do in private." Hikaru felt relieved. "What does your company do?" "It's just boring IT stuff, mostly. Among other things, we develop Smart Home Security Systems and such. We're going to set up new IT systems at your father's offices and install a new Home Security system..." Howl kept rambling about his line of work for a while and, though Hikaru didn't understand most of the technical terms, he wasn't bored for a single second. He enjoyed hearing Howl talk so passionately about his profession, and couldn't help but smile the whole time. "Jeez, I’m babbling, sorry,” Howl interrupted himself at one point. “To continue where we left off earlier, you said you’re going to attend T-Uni in September, right? What faculty?" "Education, I want to become a teacher," Hikaru replied. "Is that so?" "Yeah, my Brother-in-law is a professor and he always talked so passionately about his job, it inspired me." "I see. Well, good luck and work hard, Ueda-kun." "Th-Thank you, I'll do my best. My grades are quite good and I'm really looking forward to my University life." "Are you going to move to Tokyo? It would probably be more convenient than to travel by train every day, right?" "I want to, but I wasn't able to find a job there yet, and there are no free dorms currently.” "Can't your father pay for your rent?" Howl asked bluntly. "Well, he could and he even offered it, but I don't want to rely on his money. It’d make me indebted to him, that’s why I worked hard for my scholarship. I should explain why being independent of him is important… You know, in our world, you’re supposed to take the path your family chooses for you. Basically, you have to work in the family business… My father decides what exactly you’re going to do and his will is our law. But I didn’t want to waste my life doing something I hate, so I made a deal with him that allowed me to take my own path.” “A deal?” “I had to fulfill certain criteria like getting straight A’s in school, present him a life plan and such, which was fine and somewhat reasonable. But if I depended on his money and did anything he’d be displeased with, he could just go and cut me off financially. I'd be forced to come back here and work for him after all. With a job, I would be able to stay in Tokyo and live my own life no matter what.” “So you’re creating your own safety net, huh…” “Yup, that’s the plan. Even if it’s a shitty job and I’ll have a tiny, run-down apartment, anything is better than this house. I really have to find a job, I wanna move out as soon as possible. And the commute would be horrible. By train, it’s one and a half hours each way every day..." “I’m impressed, Ueda-kun. Your determination to stand on your own two feet at such a young age amazes me.” “R-Really?” Hikaru blushed and was glad Howl wasn’t able to see it. “Absolutely! You could live a comfortable life, but you’re choosing the hard way. That’s honorable in my opinion.” “Th...Thanks…” Hikaru replied flustered. “Wait, wasn’t there something you wanted to say when Kitamura-san interrupted us? I just remembered… You said it’s funny that I’m attending T-Uni, because… And then Kitamura-san came in.” “Right, I wanted to say that my sister is a T-Uni alumnus.” “Oh really? Right, you mentioned a sister when we talked about your name. You said you’re both named after the main characters in the book, so her name must be Sophie…?” "Correct. She's my twin and moved to Hokkaido after graduating. She works as a dojo instructor. She’s incredibly talented when it comes to martial arts." " That sounds impressive! But isn’t it tough to live so far apart when you’re twins?" “I do miss her, but she’s working for a prestigious dojo and a famous sensei who’s won many awards, she couldn’t say no to that. We talk on the phone often, though. We’re still very close.” “Do you have any more siblings?” “No, we’re the only family that’s left. Our parents passed away and we only have an aunt who partially raised us. But she lives in the UK… We don’t have a big family like you, unfortunately.” “Well, I might have a big family, but I’m not close with all of them. I’m closest with my brother Hacchan.” “I’m trying to recall the family portrait… He was…” “The one next to me who was holding my hand. He’s very protective over me, even though I’m the older one,” Hikaru smiled lovingly. “We also have a childhood friend, Kaito, who’s my age, and like a brother to me also.” “It’s important to have someone you’re close to.” “Yeah… Especially if you don’t like people,” Hikaru chuckled, and Howl did as well. “That’s true…” They continued to have a very long conversation and both didn't realize how much time had passed. Howl had gotten home, had had dinner, but they were still on the phone together. "Ah-choo!" Hiki suddenly sneezed, interrupting a heated conversation where they were discussing the latest episode of a drama both of them were watching. "Oh, bless you! Wait... Ueda-kun, are you still outside?!" "Yeah, I haven’t moved an inch…" "Jeez, go inside, it's dark already and the nights are still cold! I hope you won’t get sick..." Hikaru smiled, happy that Howl cared about his well being. "I will, sorry." He got up and walked back to the house. When he had reached his room, someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder from behind. Hikaru jolted and almost dropped his phone again. "Wah, what the…? Oh, it’s you… Jeez, you scared me!" His younger brother Hajime was standing behind him. He was the complete opposite of Hikaru. Hajime was tall, strong, and had a toned body due to the martial arts he did. Hiki on the other hand was very slender and looked rather frail. Not unhealthily skinny, but also not muscular at all. So naturally, everyone mistook Hajime for the older one. "Niichan, there you are! Kai came over to play video games, wanna join us?" "Umm no, not today, sorry." Hikaru tried to hide his phone. "What're you up to," Hajime asked curiously as he noticed his brother’s weird behavior. "Noth-... AH-CHOO!" "Eh, are you getting sick again? You should take a hot bath. Want me to-" "No, no, it's fine, really! I'll just go to bed, I'm sleepy, goodnight! And say hi to Kai for me." He turned around and hurried to his room, leaving a startled Hajime behind. Hikaru sighed loudly after he shut the door. "Are you still there Harada-san?" "I am, are you okay? What happened?" "Nothing, just my brother. Where were we?" Hikaru slumped down on his bed and they continued talking for a while longer until the boy started nodding off.On the next morning, Hikaru woke up with a throbbing head and moaned as he got up. He felt horrible. In addition to his throbbing head, his nose was stuffed, his body hurt and his throat felt sore. “Guess I caught a cold after all,” he said to himself with a husky voice. "Jeez, and I fell asleep with my clothes on… Wait! Did we even hang up last night? Oh no..." Hikaru realized that he must have fallen asleep while Howl was still on the phone. His feverish cheeks became even redder. "How embarrassing!" He coughed and took his phone. “A message!” He opened it and read: [Ueda-kun, I hope you're okay. I'm sorry, but I hung up the phone after you fell asleep. Well, I listened to your breathing for a while, which sounds creepy, but it felt so relaxing… Can I call you again tonight? I haven't had that much fun in a long time...] Hikaru's heart skipped a beat. It's fun for him to talk with me , he thought excitedly and typed in an answer. [I feel the same! Sorry for falling asleep (⌒_⌒;) Call me whenever you have time.] Unexpectedly, he received a reply right away. [Can't wait. I’ll call you in the evening after work, around 8.] Hikaru was so happy, he almost forgot how sick he felt. “Niichan?” His younger brother suddenly knocked on the door and opened it. “Are you ready for breakfa- Woah, you look awful!” “Thanks, Hacchan. Good morning to you, too,” Hikaru replied sarcastically. “I knew it! I knew you caught a cold! You were hanging out in the garden for way too long again. How often do I have to tell you to at least take a blanket with you? You know how easily you get sick,” Hajime scolded him. “Anyway, stay here, I’ll go and ask the chef to make some rice porridge and tea, no objections! Do you still have cooling pads? If not, I’ll ask Kai to bring some from the konbini, he’s coming over after work as usual...” “I have a whole box left in my drawer...” Hikaru mumbled. “Alright. Rest now, I’ll be back in a bit.” The boy slumped back down into his pillows as his brother rushed out. “Not gonna put up a fight, too tired…” he huffed to himself. But he appreciated Hajime’s mothering a lot since their actual mother wasn’t exactly the loving type. Hikaru made sure to thank him when he brought the steaming hot meal and freshly brewed tea. Despite his bad health, he was excitedly looking forward to his new friend’s call, but his condition only got worse over time and he slept most of the day. In the end, Hikaru missed the call.He was devastated when he woke up the next morning and saw the missed call on his phone. “I bet he’s mad now…” Hikaru muttered, struggling while trying to sit up, weakened by his cold. He couldn't help but tear up as he gave in and just laid there. “I hate this… I hate myself…” he whispered frustrated and disappointed in himself. He hadn't even noticed that his brother and his childhood friend Kaito had entered his room to look after him. "Niichan, are you crying? What happened, are you feeling worse? Want me to tell Sasara to drive you to the hospital?" Hikaru shook his head. "I’m sad… I really like him, you know… I wanted to talk to him more and maybe even see him again, but now he's probably super mad at me because I didn't pick up the phone last night… Or he thinks I hate him , which I don’t," he sobbed. Hikaru didn’t want to tell them about Howl, but the words just slipped out while Hajime and Kaito looked at each other in confusion. “Finally someone I got along with who isn't my brother or my best friend and I screw it up just because I have to get sick again. Great timing, Hikaru! Well done, you weakling! Dammit…” Hikaru cursed, talking more to himself than to Hajime and Kaito. "What’re you babbling about?" "Maybe he’s hallucinating because of the fever. I mean, he’s done that before... Or he’s just going crazy," Kaito said in his typical nonchalant manner. "I’m so sad," Hikaru sniffled. "The day before yesterday, I met someone and he liked my cookies and accepted me, didn’t judge me… But he probably hates me now and I deserve it!" "Niichan, who the heck is he?" Hajime asked concernedly. Hikaru sat up, moaning. "Ugh, I’m dizzy…” He took a deep breath. “His name is Harada-san. He totally gets me, and he’s just so cool, and it’s sooo much fun talking to him," Hikaru swooned with a runny nose. "Ew, gross…" Kaito remarked at that sight and threw a tissue at his friend. Hiki blew his nose weakly and continued: "He had an appointment with father because something, something, computer stuff.” Hiki nodded knowingly. ”He likes computers more than people. Just how I like… Anything more than people. Okay, I like some people. Like him ... He was waiting for father and I offered him tea and cookies... He really liked my cookies, did I mention that…?" Hiki grinned dreamily. “Wait, he’s one of father’s business partners? Niichan, those people are dangerous, what the hell’s gotten into you?!” “He’s not like that, Hacchan. No, no. He’s a good guy. Very good. A good cookie...” Hiki giggled. "What’s with the damn cookies all the time? You're such a weirdo..." “See, even you think that I’m a weirdo. But he doesn’t!” Hajime stepped closer and placed his hand on his brother's forehead. "Jeez, you're burning up, Niichan! Come on, lay back down." Hiki diligently did so and Hajime tucked him in. "I'll go and get you breakfast, you need to eat something, you’re completely delusional. Kai, can you stay with him?" Kaito nodded and sat down at Hiki's desk which was covered in books and notepads. "Hacchan, please don't tell mother that I got sick again, she’d kill me..." Hiki mumbled drowsily. "As if I would do that," Hajime replied, clicked his tongue and left the room. “Hey Hiki, I didn’t want to say anything in front of your brother, but you sound like you have a crush on that guy,” Kaito said, but all he got in reply was snoring. “...Rude. Well, maybe it’s all just nonsense because of the fever… Last time you were down with a cold, you talked about a purple elephant with green wings and antennas that was taking you for a ride over Mount Fuji...” Kairo dismissed his assumption. But then his eyes fell on one of his childhood friend’s notebooks on the floor next to his bed, which had the name ‘Howl’ written all over it, with notes added such as: ‘likes chocolate chip cookies and chips’, ‘has a twin sister named Sophie’, ‘born on February 7th’, ‘likes the color blue’... “Jeez, Hiki... Let’s hope this is going to end well…” Kaito mumbled, frowning. "Crap, he didn't even eat or drink anything," Hajime cursed when he reentered the room a few minutes later and saw that his brother was sound asleep. "Just put it on his nightstand, he’ll eat it later.” “You know that he won’t, I’ll have to remind him. He’s so negligent when it comes to taking care of himself.” “True… Hey, that was some weird stuff he said, huh? Will you keep an eye on that?" "Definitely. If what he said wasn't a fever dream, then there's someone who obviously has some sort of interest in him. And a guy at that... Older than him too," Hajime clicked his tongue disapprovingly. "But it didn't sound like it was another Yakuza, so he should be safe, right?" "I don't know. It's weird that Niichan is so into someone he just met. It's not like him at all, you know how shy and reserved he normally is towards anyone, even other family members. This is concerning..." "Or maybe you're just overprotective? Maybe you're overthinking and they just get along well…? He doesn't have any friends besides us, so maybe he finally decided to open up a little more…" "Kai, you’ve known him since you were four… Do you really believe that he all of a sudden decided to become sociable? Niichan, who barely even opens up to us?!" "Okay, not really. But what are we going to do? He's not a kid, we can't tell him not to talk to strangers…" "Yeah, but…" Hiki's buzzing phone next to his pillow interrupted their discussion. Hajime leaned over and looked at the screen to see who was calling. "It says Cookie-san… So it wasn’t a fever dream..." "Are you gonna pick it up?" The second Kaito had finished his question, Hajime had grabbed the phone and answered the call. "Listen, whoever you are! I don't know what kind of game you're playing with my brother, but you better not have any shady intentions, or I'll find you and tear you a new one!" "Ah, you must be his little brother... Hacchan, right? My name is Harada Howl, nice to talk to you." "My name is Hajime! What do you want from him? I swear, if you’re from a rival group and hurt him in any way… You know what my family is capable of, right? You’re gonna regret the day you were born!" "Growing up in certain social circles probably makes you raise suspicion against others easily, but I'm a decent guy,” Howl replied calmly. “I’m not in that line of work. I run my own successful IT company. I'm not a crook, and I have no bad intentions regarding your brother. I respect that you want to protect him, that's what family does, and your brother speaks very highly of you. The two of you seem very close, but he’s eighteen, he can make his own decisions..." Hajime was surprised and even impressed by that man's straightforwardness and calm manner even after being threatened. "What exactly are your intentions?" "I don't have any. I just enjoy talking to him. It’s fun, interesting, and invigorating… He has a great personality and I would like to get to know him better." "Tch. You sound like you have a crush on him," Hajime said provocatively. "My brother isn't gay, so don't get your hopes up. You should just leave him alone." "Can't do that, sorry. Like I said, your brother is old enough to make his own decisions. If he tells me to leave him alone, then I will respect that. But brother or not, you don't have the right to tell me that in his place. Though you can rest assured that even if I had a crush on him, I would never force myself onto him. Anyhow, is this interrogation over? Because I would like to talk to him now." "He… He's sleeping off a cold,” Hajime replied honestly, startled by the stranger’s words. "I see, so that's why he didn't pick up my call last night. I will let him recover then. It was nice talking to you, Hacchan-kun. Maybe I'll have the pleasure again. Goodbye." "Hacchan-k…? I told you, my name is-... He hung up…!" Hajime looked at Kaito dumbfounded. "What happened? What did he say?" Hajime needed a moment to process their conversation. "...I hate to admit it, but I guess he's cool. Very blunt, but he seemed honest. I don't think he's a threat to Niichan... I'll still keep an eye on this whole situation though. Come on now, let's leave so he can get some rest." “He is resting… He didn’t even flinch. Once this guy’s asleep, it’s like he’s in a coma…” “I know, but do you wanna stay and watch my brother sleep, or do you wanna go to my room and make out?” “Hmm… Not sure what's more fun...” Kaito replied teasingly. "I'll show you what's more fun," Hajime growled, grabbed Kai's hand, and dragged him out of the room. For the next few days, Hiki was down with his cold. Due to his weak immune system, he was used to getting sick easily, but this time it hit him really hard. He had a very high fever and was out cold most of the time. Thankfully, Hajime and Kaito took good care of him. They wanted to call a doctor, but Hiki declined because he didn’t want their mother to get wind of it. They had a very strained relationship, and she hated when he became a bother to her. Hiki desperately wanted to avoid one of her tantrums, so he assured them that he’d be fine. After three days of mostly sleeping, he had finally recovered. Though, even his illness couldn’t keep him from constantly checking his phone to see if Howl had at least sent a message. But there was nothing. Hiki figured that this new friendship was over before it had even really started, and it made him incredibly sad. He thought about sending Howl a message to apologize but didn't dare to. "Jeez Niichan, stop sulking over some stranger…" Hajime rolled his eyes after he had entered his brother's room to check up on him. But all he saw was a blanket ball on the bed. “How are you feeling today?” "I'm not sulking. My fever is gone, I feel much better. Thank you for taking care of me, Hacchan, you're the best,” the blanket ball replied with a muffled voice. "I know, I know." Hajime smiled, happy about his big brother's praise. Hiki sat up and uncovered himself. "Where's Kaito? Don't you have karate practice today? He usually watches you…" "We had a fight…" Hajime sighed and slumped down on Hiki's bed. "Oh really? What happened?" "I wanted to make out earlier, but he didn't... And then I… kinda told him to stop bitching - OW!" Hiki had reached out and smacked his brother on the back of his head. "You're an idiot! Apologize, now!" He glared at Hajime. "I know, it was extremely shitty of me, and I feel really bad about it, but he won't pick up his phone…" "So what? Go to his house, it's just down the road! Hacchan, you need to understand that now that you guys are more than just friends, you have to be a little more careful with your words and actions. You’re so perfect for each other, please don't ruin it. I wish I had what you guys have…" "...Really?" "Of course! I mean, just because I never had a love interest doesn't mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want someone who I can love and who loves me back…" "I really love him, that's why I can't help wanting to touch him all the time- OW! Niichaaaan, stop that!" "Hacchan, seriously, I know you’re only 16, but get your teenage hormones in check! If you love him that much, and I know you do, treat him with the respect he deserves. I can't believe that I really have to tell you that!" "Hey, I’m turning 17 next month! But you're right. I'll go over and apologize in person. Maybe I should pick some flowers on my way there..." "Now that's more like you, Hacchan!" Hiki patted his brother's head. "Niichan, my hair~" Hajime got up and walked over to the door. "What are you going to do today? Are you gonna stay in bed again?" "Hm… No, I think I'll sneak out and head over to Ramen Jiji." “I’ll go with you!” “No. You go and apologize. You don't have much time anyway, your practice will start soon, so hurry up.” “But you shouldn’t go to town all by yourself. Ask Sasara-san to drive you…” “I don’t want a guard, it’s awkward.” Hajime sighed. “So stubborn... But you barely ate anything in the past few days, so a big bowl of Jiji’s stamina ramen would do you good… Just be careful, okay?" "Yup." Hiki scooted over to the edge of his bed. "But first, I'll take a shower…" "And… You should call him," Hajime mumbled. "Huh?" Hiki's heart skipped a beat. "Call whom? What are you talking about?" Hajime rolled his eyes. "That guy you were swooning over when you were running a fever. If you like him, call him. Anyway, talk to you later.” He turned around and quickly left the room. Hiki blushed. He had absolutely no recollection of talking about Howl. ‘If you like him, call him’ , he thought. “As if that’s so easy…” Hiki sighed, got up, and went to the bathroom to get ready. Afterwards, he snuck out of the big, fenced property through his usual secret exit to go on the thirty-minute bike ride away to his favorite restaurant. Hikaru cursed the remoteness of their home every time he went there. Riding the bike for that long was exhausting to him, especially after lying in bed for days. Though the scenery of the countryside and the great air kind of made up for it. It was one of the rare moments when he felt free. At least a little bit. After Hiki arrived at his destination, huffing and sweaty, he sat down at the counter and placed his favorite book, that he had brought along, on it. The shop was quite busy, so he decided to start reading until the waitress had time to take his order. He loved going to that small and cozy shop. It was a little run down, but that just added to its charm, and the staff was always very kind to him. Plus, to Hiki, Jiji made the best Ramen in the world. "I'll be right there, Hiki-kun," the waitress shouted over when she noticed him. "No hurry, Kida-san," Hiki replied. "Ueda-kun?!" A deep voice behind him startled Hiki and he jolted around. His heart stopped when he saw the person standing there. "H-Harada-san? What are you doing here?" "I had an appointment at one of your father's offices nearby and got hungry… Since you're here, I assume you're feeling better?" "Huh?" "You were sick, weren't you? Are you okay yet? You look pale…" he frowned concernedly. "I-I'm okay… But how do you know?" "May I?" Howl asked before sitting down on a chair next to him after Hiki had nodded. "I called the other day, and your brother picked up your phone." "Hacchan? He didn't mention anything…" "He told me that you were sick, so I wanted to give you time to recover before contacting you again. But… I couldn't stand to wait anymore and wanted to call you yesterday. Unfortunately, something came up at work, and in the end, it had gotten very late. I was planning to call you this evening, but now that I met you here, would you like to have lunch with me?" Howl smiled and Hiki’s heart skipped a beat. "I-I would love to," he sparkled, happy and relieved. Howl's chest tightened. He's way too cute for his own good , he thought. Howl didn't plan on making any advances towards Hiki, but seeing him again in person, he was now 100% sure that he had fallen for that boy. "Alright, Hiki-kun. What can I bring you today," the waitress asked smiling as she approached him. "Um, I'd like a bowl of stamina ramen, please," he replied. "And for your friend?" "Can you recommend anything, Ueda-kun?" Howl asked. "Hmm… Everything tastes great here, to be honest. But maybe… Jiji’s special Tonkotsu Ramen? I mean, if Tonkotsu is something you like, you should try it, Jiji’s is the best!" "Sounds great, I'll have that," Howl told the waitress, who nodded and walked over to the kitchen. In the meantime, Hiki and Howl switched to one of the tables in the back for more privacy. "I'm really happy to have met you here, Ueda-kun. I wanted to talk to you more and I would like to have more of your delicious cookies… Jeez, I sound like a creep again…" "N-No, not at all! If I would've known that I'd meet you here, I would've brought you some. Next time, I promise," Hiki smiled broadly. "Next time? Love to hear that," Howl said and returned the smile, which made Hiki's heart throb, and he swallowed hard. What the heck was that, he thought, startled by his own reaction. "Oh, by the way… I stopped at one of my family's branches and got you this." Howl rummaged around in his dark brown leather briefcase and handed Hiki a black box with a golden peony emblem, and the writing 'Harada Sweets" on it. "Good thing I forgot to take it out after I bought it." "W-What is this?" Hiki asked dumbfounded. "Open it… I didn't know if you like them, but I decided to give it a shot." Hiki opened the shiny box and inside was a mix of colorful Japanese sweets that were shaped like flowers. "Uwah~ Namagashi! I love Namagashi, and these are especially pretty, thank you Harada-san!" Hiki sparkled. Howl cleared his throat, touched by the boy’s blitheness over such a simple gift. "I'm glad you like them. And thank you for having lunch with me, food always tastes better with company." "I agree! And… Well... I enjoy talking to you too,” he stuttered blushing. "Here you go..." The waitress suddenly showed up and placed their ramen on the table. They thanked her and Howl took a bite. “Oh wow, it’s really good! I haven’t had Tonkotsu this good in Tokyo!" “I know, right?” Hiki grinned and slurped in some noodles. “Oh, hold on… There's something on your cheek…" Howl reached out, wiped a little soup smudge off of Hiki's cheek, and licked it off his thumb. "W-What are you doing?" Hiki asked with a shocked expression. "It was a reflex," Howl replied, realizing that he might have gone too far, while Hiki's heart was beating like crazy and his face was glowing red. "Sorry for crossing a line,” he added and quickly changed the subject. "What was that book you were reading earlier, by the way?" "Book...? Oh, it's called Midair, Deep Sea by Usami Akihiko. He's my favorite author! It's one of his older works, they're a bit sad and gloomy. His more recent publications give off a lighter feeling, but I really like this one. He's a great author, he was the youngest person ever to win the Aomori Award," Hiki babbled. "I see," Howl smiled. "Ah, I'm sorry. I got carried away again..." "It's good to have something you're passionate about. Nothing to apologize for," Howl encouraged him. "Passionate… Like you and your computer things?" "Yeah… I've talked about that a lot, huh… I know it's boring, I get carried away too, I guess," Howl smiled apologetically. "It wasn't boring at all… It's good to have something you're passionate about. Nothing to apologize for," Hiki quoted him grinning. “Okay, you got me there,” Howl chuckled, glad that his action from before hadn’t ruined the mood. They continued talking about everything and anything and enjoyed their time together. There wasn't a single moment of awkward silence or anything alike, and they didn't even notice how time passed, just like during their call the other day. But then, all of a sudden, Hiki's phone started ringing. "Oh… Please excuse me, that's probably Hacchan checking up on me…" Hiki said, but then his soft expression hardened as he looked at the display. Howl was a bit startled by that since the boy almost looked like a different person. "Yes, Harumi? Oh... Okay. As you wish, I'll be there in half an hour… I’m sorry, I can’t be there sooner, I… Yes. Okay... Understood." He hung up and looked down on the table. Howl thought he seemed daunted, which made his heart throb heavily. "I'm sorry Harada-san, but I have to leave now.” Hiki got up. “Right now? Why so sudden? I hope nothing bad happened…” “That was my sister, she needs me to take care of her daughter. Something came up, and it's their Nanny's day off." Hiki sighed, he was devastated. He would've loved to spend more time with Howl but it couldn’t be helped. He knew that if he'd refused to follow his sister's orders, she would make his life a living hell. She was just like their mother. "I see... What a shame, I would've loved to spend more time with you. But I guess it can’t be helped," Howl said, and again, the boy’s heart skipped a beat. It was as if he read Hiki’s mind. "I’m so sorry, I have to hurry. They don't know that I'm here, I'm actually not allowed to leave the property without a guard. The bike ride back will take half an hour, so..." Hiki wanted to take out his wallet to pay for his meal, but Howl stopped him. "Please… That's on me." "B-But…" "Let me handle it as compensation for the tea and your delicious cookies the other day," Howl smiled. "Um… Okay. Thank you very much." Hiki blushed again and bowed. "I really, really enjoyed talking to you, Howl-san." "How about I drive you back home? Your bike would fit in the trunk…" "Huh? No, I don't want to trouble you," Hiki replied politely, but secretly hoped Howl would insist on it, just so they could spend 15 more minutes together. “No objections. I probably kept you here for longer than you would’ve originally stayed, so let me make up for it. Now let’s hurry so you won’t get into trouble." “Thank you,” Hiki smiled, happy that he would actually get those 15 extra minutes with Howl. They carefully placed Hiki’s bike in the Audi’s trunk and got into the car. Weirdly, they didn’t talk much on their way to the Ueda estate. Howl mentioned the beautiful scenery, but Hiki frantically thought about what he could use as a reason to meet with Howl again as soon as possible. “Ah, please stop here,” Hiki suddenly said. “If you drive me up to the main entrance…” “Yeah, they’d know you snuck out. But isn’t this too far from the house?” “There’s a hole in the fence over there. I’ll have to run, but this is the only way in.” “What about your bike?” Howl asked as they got out of the car, and he took it out of the trunk. “I always hide it over there in the bushes. Thank you so much, Harada-san. For everything…” Hiki said and turned around to leave, wanting to ask him when they could meet again, but his shyness was too overpowering. “Ah, Ueda-kun!" Howl stopped him and he jolted around. "Y-Yes!?" “I would like to meet you again soon… There's a festival in Machida this weekend, I saw a poster somewhere this morning. Would you like to go?” “I would love to,” Hiki gleamed. “Great! How about 7 pm? I could pick you up here...” “Let's meet at Machida station instead. There are guards patrolling the area around the property at night, they'd see the car... The train station is safer.” “Alright. Saturday, 7 pm at Machida station. Can't wait,” Howl smiled. Hiki smiled back broadly and nodded enthusiastically in agreement before he turned around and left in a hurry. While he was watching his niece, Hiki thought about Howl and their conversation. That man’s face always had this earnest expression, but when he smiled, he looked so kind and even cute. Though to him, he also looked cute while wearing that earnest expression. Is it even appropriate to think of someone as cute who’s seven years my senior , Hiki wondered. He also thought about how he smelled really nice, how big his hands were, and that his deep voice had such an interesting sound, which was even more intense and mesmerizing when he wasn't talking through a phone… Hiki suddenly shook his head to clear his thoughts as he built a lego tower with his niece. Why did he feel so drawn to this stranger? He had never experienced feelings like that before… “Hikaru-oji, stop daydreaming or I’ll tell mom that you did a bad job,” his seven-year-old niece complained, and for the rest of the time, he focused on the spoiled little girl. After he was done complying with his uncle-duties, Hiki went to his room and dropped on his bed. Normally, he was exhausted after watching that kid, but this time, he felt ecstatic. "Ugh, why am I so happy…?" he whispered as he touched his cheek where Howl had wiped off the soup. "Please let Saturday come quickly."

[doc-pickles]

it’s nothing funny just to talk (p.2)

What happens when you text that random number graffitied on a bathroom stall in your favorite bar? Jo Wilson is about to find out. - In which Bar Princess and Doctor Evil Spawn meet via text.

Saturday 12:09 PM

you know what might be worse than pyramid schemes?

bridal showers

this is horrendous 

Same woman you were drinking in solidarity to?

obviously, I have like four friends 

I thought teachers were like outgoing and bubbly?

oh hell no, socializing is not my cup of tea

one of the other bridesmaids just asked who i was texting so I told her jack the ripper

Oh you couldn’t even give me a good one

i’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that 

My day off and the weekend finally coincide, which means I’m not leaving my couch all day. 

I wish I were you this shower is gonna kill me 

teachers on the weekend are a fun sight to see

You’re not partaking this time?

no i’m DD

it’s for the best, I did throw up on my shoes last weekend 

How crazy is a bridal shower that you need a DD?

there’s a mimosa bar and they’re already playing never have I ever

the mother of the groom is starting something with the mother of the bride

I gotta deal with this 

  Saturday 3:11 PM

I deserve bottle of wine for all of the shit I dealt with today

I never wanna be a maid of honor ever again

Maybe we should rename you Maid of Dishonor?

wooooooow

I throw up on my shoes ONE TIME

How’d the battle of the mothers go?

oh it was horrendous 

groom is from a rich family and bride grew up on a farm… you know how it goes 

Doesn’t sound fun. Glad you made it out. 

barely

how’s your day off going

Amazing. I get to watch baseball and sit on the couch with a bag of chips and a beer. I’m living the dream. 

I envy you

they’re making us go out again

Do you get to drink during this escapade?

yes thank god

manhattan or moscow mule?

A whiskey drinker? You might be the perfect woman. 

don’t try to butter me up, i’ve never even met you in person

We can change that. 

  Saturday 6:14 PM

Do you think birds have dreams?

I thought I was supposed to get drunk

You were talking too long. And I’m not drunk. 

I can’t think of another reason why you’d ask me about bird dreams

You’re a teacher. I was curios. 

i’m not a bird specialist

personally I do not think that birds can dream

I’m telling them you said that. 

the birds?

Yes. They deserve to know the truth. 

have you just been sitting on the couch drinking beer all day?

did you even eat

Yeah I had pizza for lunch 

what about dinner?

It’s not dinner time yet. 

dude it’s 6

Oh shit really?

Hahaha that explains it 

psh and you said I was bad when I was drunk

you’re freaking Snow White 

Is this ebcause I asked about the birds 

yes it is

I gotta go, Maggie says i’m not netting the quota for fun

Maggie sounds like a buzzkill

she’s the assistant principal, i’m scared she’ll fire me if I don’t listen

jk… kinda 

  Saturday 12:32 AM

Incoming Voice Call

  “Jo! Put the phone down! You should not be calling anyone right now!”

“Hello?”

“Doctor Evil Spawn! I’m so glad you picked up.”

“Are you drunk now?”

“Noooo….. maybe. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi princess.”

“Your voice is nice. It’s a good voice, it’s sexy and I like it.”

“You’re kinda crazy, you know that?”

“Josephine Wilson! Give me the phone!”

“Woah who full named you? They sound angry.”

“That’s Maggie, she’s trying to get me to go home. I can’t go home Maggie, I’m talking to a hot doctor! And he has a sexy voice!”

“You’ve never even seen me, you don’t know if I’m hot.”

“I’m judging off your sexy voice and what few characteristics I know about you. I’d be shocked if you weren’t hot.”

“You have too much faith in me.”

“I have to go, Maggie is dragging me out of the bar. Byeeee hot doctor!”

“Goodnight princess, don’t throw up on your shoes this time.” 

  Sunday 9:58 AM

How’re your shoes looking?

  Sunday 11:22 AM

You’re still dead? I mean you did call me half past midnight… but I thought you’d be up by now.

  Sunday 1:46 PM

Are you embarrassed because of what you said on the phone? Frankly I found it endearing. 

  Sunday 3:18 PM

As a doctor, I’m advising you to drink more fluids and get food in your system. Maybe a banana. It’ll make you feel less shitty, trust me.

  Sunday 6:17 PM

Hope you’re not dead in a ditch somewhere. 

  Monday 7:23 AM

oh my god I am so sorry

I dropped my phone in Maggie’s car and I just got it back

wait you were worried about me weren’t you

Well you fell off the face of the earth… so yeah. 

awwww well it’s nice to know that someone would notice if I was kidnapped and murdered 

Didn’t you say I was the one that would kidnap and murder you? 

yes but i’m having a change of heart

Is it because of my sexy voice?

I was kinda hoping I didn’t say that out loud

whoops

I told you I found it endearing. 

flattery will get you everywhere

gotta go, class is lining up and they’re already screaming

I’ll pray for you. 

  Monday 8:08 PM

dude the thai place on 7th across from old navy?

amazing

i’m in heaven

Oh so we’ve reached the stage of giving each other food recommendations?

obviously 

this is a serious relationship 

Chinese place across from Joe’s Bar has the best egg rolls. Perfect drunchies. 

i’ve never been to joe’s 

I live right around the corner from there

So we’re neighbors then? I’m off of Fullerton. 

I guess we are

that’s exciting, i bet i’ve seen you at the grocery store 

Bold of you to assume I make it to the grocery store. 

honestly same

I usually guilt steph or izzie into it

You’re the chaotic good of the group aren’t you?

obviously 

I keep things balanced 

what’re you doing?

On a break, almost done for the night. I have to round on post ops and then I’m done. 

nice!!! did you get anything fun today?

Not really just surgeries I could do in my sleep. 

typical monday’s

I have to go, we have a field trip tomorrow and i’m not emotionally prepared

Oof. Have fun, don’t die. 

who the hell ends texts like that?

A doctor. Obviously. Night princess. 

goodnight Snow White

  Tuesday 12:18 PM

whoever decided to bring 42 fourth graders to the science discovery museum should be fired 

Isn’t that you?

maybe

maybe not

It was totally you. How about a deal?

deal with an internet stranger? 

fine but if I die i’m gonna be pissed

How about I drop off a bottle of wine on your porch on my way to work? I work the night shift again. 

hmmmm I don’t think i’m supposed to give my address to strangers

but i’m pretty sure if you were going to kill me you would’ve done it by now

See you’re getting the hang of it. 

okay i’ll give you my address

but if there’s a bomb we’re going to have words

If there’s a bomb you’ll be dead. 

  Tuesday 4:54 PM

red wine AND egg rolls?

if I didn’t know better i’d think you’re trying to woo me

I think I need to meet you before we can say that. 

thank you!!! 

my roomies are teasing me about taking wine from a stranger

You’re welcome. And I’m not a stranger. I know your name and where you live. 

aaaaand way to make things creepy

BTW your blonde roommate was checking out my ass. 

hahahahaha that’s izzie for you

she has a boyfriend don’t worry 

I wasn’t too concerned about her, just thought you might want to beat her up or something. 

intentionally trying to start a cat fight? classy

she says you’re “super dreamy” so that’s a plus

Glad to know I passed the checkpoint. Does this mean I get to meet you now?

maybe maybe not

we have learned one good thing though

And what’s that?

even if you are a serial killer, you have a good taste in wine and your attractive

i’ll die happy

  Tuesday 7:32 AM

If I never work another overnight again it’ll be too soon. 

yeah you’ve been working a lot of those 

wtf is up with that

I lost a bet with Arizona. 

oof that doesn’t sound fun

at least I have nice stable working hours

summers off

i’m living the dream

Why do you do that?

do what?

Send forty texts. There’s a button to put in a period and start a new sentence. In the same text. 

you really do text like a 60 year old

I’m sophisticated, obviously. 

I know we’ve never met but I need a favor

Oof. After I dropped off wine for you?

the favor includes free food and alcohol

I’m listening… 

that wedding i’m in is next weekend

and I don’t have a date :-)

I wish I could, I’m going out of town. 

booooo

it’s okay, after i’m done being a brides bitch my weekend will open up

i’ll also be done with school for year

So I can take you out on a proper date? Instead of texting you all day? 

you do realize that you’re texting a girl who found your number at 11 pm while shit faced in a bar right

That’s always how I pictured meeting the woman of my dreams. 

oh shut up

I suppose i’ll go on a date with you, man I know nothing about 

I’m Alex, I’m 27 and I don’t think pineapple belongs on pizza

deal breaker sorry

pineapple + pizza = deliciousness 

Well at least you know more about me. 

that I do

jo, 25, who’s favorite color is purple and eats cinnamon toast for breakfast everyday, has to go educate the tiny humans

talk to you later old man

Oh come on you’re two years younger!

  Tuesday 1:26 PM

have you ever had to hot glue rhinestones to candle votives 

because I am

and I hate it

WTF is a votive?

those tiny little glass things you put a candle into

Oh. Why are you bedazzling them? 

wedding prep

today is a half day so bridezilla has us crafting for her 

Are all of you brides bitches teachers?

yes

it’s hell

you try to talk about your class and all you hear about is peonies and roses and baby’s breath

I’m glad I’m a dude then. 

ha! you better be 

oh my god, she’s gone psycho

if I don’t text she took my phone

Don’t die, I’m looking forward to our date. 

  Tuesday 7:17 PM

RIP Jo, Avid Cinnamon Toast Eater 

Killed by Her Insane Bride Friend  

I made it out!!!!

barely

Nice, I’ve heard a rabid bridezilla is hard to escape. 

it was the worst 

but she let me go when I told her I had to finish putting in grades for the year

(I finished last night)

I for one am proud of you. That’s badass. 

lol i’ll keep that in mind 

thursday is our last day before freedom

I think I might get shit faced as soon as I leave work

I support it wholeheartedly. 

good because you’ll probably get more bar princess texts

Or if I’m lucky a phone call where you call me sexy again. 

hey hey I didn’t call you sexy

I called your voice sexy

there’s a difference 

Oh sorry, I don’t know how I overlooked that. 

mhm sure 

tomorrow is crazy hair day 

Does this mean I get to see a picture of you? Because I’m definitely interested in seeing what you do with this spirit day thing. 

i’ll save it for when we meet

I’m determined not to see you until our date

Suit yourself. Gotta go remove stitches. 

oooohh how exhilarating!! 

  Wednesday 9:42 AM

How goes the crazy hair?

oh just dandy 

half my hair is pink 

You seem like the type to be able to pull of pink hair. Plus it’s pretty rad. 

you’re too kind 

I bribed the kids with cookies and a movie 

i’m totally winning today

I just took out an appendix, I think I win. 

just saying I don’t think that our jobs are comparable 

but taking out an appendix sounds cool

Not as cool as cookies though. 

I have a bunch left over

should I drop them on your doorstep? 

Only if you want to. I wouldn’t say no to a good cookie. I’m here till 5. 

i’ll stop by after work!! 

we have another half day

Sweet. I’m glad you’re the one that found my number. 

  Wednesday 12:56 PM

Dude. George says you look like an adorable preschooler. 

I FORGOT I HAD MY HAIR LIKE THIS

he was very understanding 

Rave reviews on your “kindness and beautiful eyes” 

oh my god 

I have to die now 

He might’ve mentioned your ass too. I’m painting a beautiful mental picture. 

oh lord

brb gotta wash out this stupid hair dye 

maybe bang my head against the shower wall

Oooh tell me more. I love a dirty shower fantasy. 

oh booo

you’re not even trying anymore 

  Wednesday 5:55 PM

remember the titans is on tv

and it’s really good 

in case you didn’t know 

That movie is 20 years old, of course I know it’s good. 

well clearly I didn’t 

i didn’t have cable growing up 

Oh neither did I, I just stole it from the neighbors. 

that’s pretty bad ass for a kid 

Had to keep my siblings entertained. You know how it is. 

nope i’m an only child

That sounds like a dream. I have two younger siblings and they’re both a pain in the ass. 

if you knew the half of it you’d be begging to trade places with me 

I’m looking forward to hearing all of it. 

  Thursday 11:53 AM

FREEDOM!!!!!!

I AM FREE!!!!

HALLELUJAH!!!!!

I’m assuming school is out?

Y E S

$20 says I can sneak out of here without bridezilla roping me into a stupid arts and crafts project 

I hope so, I’m enjoying talking to you today. 

aren’t you at work??

Nope. Today is my day off. 

and you’re not watching baseball and drinking beer?

It’s not even noon yet. 

time is an illusion

it’s shots o clock somewhere or whatever they say

I’m now learning that the only cultural education you have is the Backstreet Boys. I think our second date will have to be a movie marathon. 

already planning our second date?

ambitious 

I like it

My conversation is fairly limited if I can’t drop a pop culture reference or two during the day. 

I can see your points and i’m willing to sit myself down and watch the classics

okay gotta sneak past bridezilla… wish me luck

Good luck 

  Thursday 4:35 PM

Pork shoulder, corn, and potatoes all on the grill. 

i’m jealous

I can’t cook to save my life 

thank god we’re going out tonight

To celebrate finally breaking free for the summer?

exactly!! steph and izzie decided we needed to go to a club after dinner

i’ve never been to one before 

Overpriced drinks and random guys grinding up on you all night. Not the best experience. 

oh so random guys grind on you when you go out?

Shut up. 

hahahaha 

I’ve never even been to a club before. Not my scene. I just live with women so I know these things. 

well i’ll update you on the happenings

let you know if I have to pay $20 for a drink

who’s grinding on my ass

you know normal everyday things

Woah woah woah. 

what??

are you jealous??

I’m just saying if you’re gonna be shaking your ass, you might as well get random guys to buy you overpriced drinks. 

you’re making some very good points 

Of course I am. By the way, George wants me to tell you that you have a very shakeable ass so you should be taking in free drinks. 

great I have to go die again 

brb gonna drOWN MYSELF IN THE SHOWER 

  Thursday 10:38 PM

good news

i’ve secured three free drinks and a round of shots for all six of us

this ass is making money baby

I’ve created a monster. Who else is there?

steph, izzie, april, maggie, and levi

You brought the whole staff out didn’t you?

yes and I’m quite skilled at getting them drunk

You’re three drinks in and still texting correctly?

I think I danced it all off

need more fireball

And that’s another thing. Who willingly shoots Fireball?

me bitch

Ohh I love it when you call me names. 

mmm i’m sure you do

okay i’m gonna go get more drinks

wish me luck

Good luck, I’m sure your ass will take in more than enough. 

  Thursday 11:57 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Helloo?”

“Hi, it’s me.”

“I can afford caller ID, I knew it was you.”

“Were you sleeping?”

“No, I was about to head upstairs but I’m not tired.”

“Oh good. I just got home.”

“You sound tired. Did you have fun?”

“It was nice, Steph went home with some guy she met and Izzie went to her boyfriends so I’m home alone.”

“So you decided to call me?”

“I missed your voice, I told you that you have a nice voice.”

“You said that I have a sexy voice.”

“Oh shut up. I wanted to call before I went to sleep.”

“You’ve grown fond of me haven't you?”

“If you’re gonna say it like a weirdo then yes… I have grown fond of you, Snow White.”

“I guess I can say the same about you Bar Princess. Are you yawning over there?”

“Just a little bit, but I like talking to you.”

“It’s midnight, I wouldn’t blame you for falling asleep.”

“I don’t wanna fall asleep, I wanna keep talking to you.”

“How about I tell you the story of the time I was bridesman and I had to go to a bachelorette party?”

“Okay I’m listening…”

  Friday 10:15 AM

I feel like a teenager 

who the hell falls asleep on the phone

i’m in a bad rom com aren't I 

Your snoring is really cute. 

oh christ

well at least I didn’t take body shots off a male stripper

I was really hoping you’d be asleep before I got to that part. 

oh nooo I remember that very clearly 

i’ll be filing that away for blackmail

Rude. I guess I’ll save your snoring in that file too. 

touché, I like the way you play the game

I’m an experienced player. Gotta go scrub in on a fundoplication. 

have fun!!!

  Friday 2:41 PM

I got bored and googled a fundoplication

that’s some crazy stuff, you’re kind of a badass

Easy peasy, all in a day's work. 

nooo that’s amazing stuff!! 

i’m in my classroom scraping gum and glitter off of the desks

Well you’re the reason people become doctors so I'd say you’re pretty important too. 

awww you’re still trying to impress me

it’s a good look on you

I’m trying to be a gentleman. Maybe I’ll bring up your puke shoes just to be an asshole. 

you know what even the mention of that can’t bring down my good mood

do you think I could get in trouble for drinking wine in my classroom?

Well there’s no kids around so… no. But I like the rebellious attitude you have towards the situation. 

if i’m gonna sit in a classroom with no AC and scrape boogers off desks all day then I deserve some damn wine

You’re right and you should say it. 

I DESERVE MY WINE I EARNED IT

oh shit maggie is outside i’m so fired

Hey you got her free shots last night, she should be thankful. 

you know what you’re right

oh shit it’s bridezilla

Run.

whew

forgot we have our final dress fitting tomorrow

i’m not dead yet

Oh good. I kinda don’t want the first time I see you to be your funeral. 

hahaha very funny

gotta go, we have to do this stupid year end meeting

I hate it here

Have fun, and remember don’t stab yourself with a pen!

  Saturday 8:13 AM

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING

I wanna die 

bridezilla is making us jog

and she took away my donuts

  Saturday 9:53 AM

Jesus Christ. You need new friends. 

honestly she’s not that bad when she’s not stressing over this wedding 

she’s crying because she has a pimple

Oof that’s a tough run. Unfortunately, I have to spend the day out on a boat. 

boohoo I don’t not feel bad for you

unless like… you have some childhood trauma from a boat

Nope. I get to relax and drink beer all day long. 

yeah well then screw you

I have to try my stupid dress on and go to a stupid lunch and I CAN’T EVEN HAVE DONUTS

Aren’t you at home?

yes, steph invited everyone here since we have the space

why?

Check your porch. 

YOU BROUGHT ME DONUTS?! 

you’re my favorite

thank you thank you thank you 

You’re welcome, I’m happy to be of service. 

ohhhh I might just kiss you when we finally meet 

I wouldn’t say no to that. 

okay I gotta go hide in the closet and eat my donuts 

thank you for thinking of me!!

It’s all I ever do. 

  Saturday 2:16 PM

How goes the dress trying on?

it was good!! mine fits and we have a beautiful bride on our hands 

Good. I’m glad your day is getting better. I think I’m getting a sunburn. 

you better not

that shit is dangerous 

go find sunscreen 

Now you’re concerned about me huh?

always

did you put the sunscreen on

Yes because I knew you’d spontaneously implode if I didn’t. 

good 

I didn’t want to you to burst into flames sitting in the sun

As a doctor, I can tell you that most likely would not be what happened.

now we have to sit through a boring ass lunch

it’s what the mother of the groom insists on

Is she paying for it though? …. yes

Well then stop complaining.

okay okay fine

hey quick question

which fork do i stab myself with

Go order a steak and drink an expensive glass of wine.

  Saturday 10:39 PM

Incoming Voice Call

“Well well well, how the tables have turned.” “Bar Priiiiiincessss.” “Oh my god. This is so going in the blackmail file.”

“No don’t do that. If Jo finds out I was singing to another girl she’ll be mad.” “And why don’t you want Jo to be mad at you?” “Because I want to kiss her. And hug her. And see her face.”

“Well do I have a surprise for you.” “Oh I love surprises!”

“Jo and Bar Princess are the same person. I’m Jo.” “Holy crap! NO way!”

“Yes way, isn’t that crazy?”

“Can you tell Jo that she’s the nicest person I’ve ever met.” “I will relay the message. Jo is going to bed now though. Goodnight Alex.” “Good night Bar Princess, I miss you!”

[miss-anna-banana-blog]

I never thought I’ll be writing something like this, specifically the part of exposing myself in front of the people who follow me + the ones who don’t but still are checking up all the time. These pictures take me back to summer 2017. The worst year of my entire life. You couldn’t tell of course because I made sure no one wouldn’t be capable of noticing these kind of things. I posted positive, happy and silly things and I “became the best version of me” lmao. Now I can finally admit that was some huge ass bullshit and I’m mad no one said a thing. A few months before those photos were taken, I started to battle with my super toxic new old friend Anorexia, followed by her cousin Bulimia. I could remember having a goal: To be as skinny as possible. To look as good as I could ever look on a family trip to the beach (now that I think about it, it’s like, come on, it’s your family they don’t give a shit). Also, before that, I had my high school prom and you can guess what my new eating disorder did for me. Did you guessed? Yes, it made me bought a smaller freaking expensive dress! So that I could have a motivation to lost all the freaking weight I hated. I remember being asked by the lady in charge of the dress store “Don’t you want the L size? I think you could feel more comfortable” And my whole face started to burn. I felt awful. But I remained calm, laughed and said “I’m about to go on a diet. I’ll loose all this weight” and she ofc had to be this supportive “buy all my shit” kind of person. So she suggested me to get the S size. But around that time I was dumb, but like not that dumb after all because I knew that, there was no way in hell I could fit into that shit, even if I stopped eating for like a whole month. So I decided to get the M one. And yes, maybe M is kinda considered a fat girl size, but this dress was made of lace. fucking lace. Which means, it was tight and getting the M was sort of a big deal. That day I paid for my own dress (because my parents had no idea about my future plans) and went home all happy and excited because I finally had a goal to achieve: To fit in that dress, because I couldn’t afford to throw all my money away. So at this moment I’d like to state that I have a mild pill addiction (nothing serious, but sometimes they still appeal to me as candies or some shit) and it appeared around this time because this girl had an eye opening moment when she found out about...*drum rolls* LOSING WEIGHT PILLS. It was a whole thing. I was shocked. Like, I could lose weight by taking this lil pill? Everyone said “yes” forgetting that ofc It’s not that easy. So I started to take them daily, even surpassing the recommended dose. I began to let those pills solve my whole eating problems. I started dieting but sometimes I had these huge cravings (I could also say I’m kind of a compulsive eater?) anyways, I wanted to eat junk food, but I couldn’t do it. My whole brain was like “No honey” and then we started to have a battle and when I won that battle, I decided to choose the losing weight pills as my ally. So, in resume, I ate a lot of shit and then I’d let the pills do it’s job. And what job I’m talking about? Diarrhea LMFAO. I mean, I had to get used to be shitting my pants every single time because everything I ate ended up in the freaking toilet in a very gross way. The thing is, I learned to live with this awful thing. I made it look like something normal. But the truth is, it wasn’t normal and I could have gotten a serious disease by doing that. But as always, that wasn’t enough. And when I realized the pills process was kinda slow I decided to cut most of the foods I considered “bad”. I ate once a day, drank tons of water and detox tea; courtesy of my mom. Because, now that I realize all this stuff, I didn’t started all of this by myself. I let my mom help me develop it. She has always talked about losing weight methods, pills, creams, all the things that would help you lose weight, my mama knew. So I always had this fear of my mom targeting my fatness. I had the fear that she would be disappointed because of the weight I had after all the advice she gave to me and my sisters. I mean, she always had something to say about this losing weight thing, How could I be fat? She literally was giving me options to not be fat anymore. So to her, at first was kinda normal that I decided to go to sleep to avoid eating. I would literally had a small plastic bag with some granola for breakfast and water. Then I would eat tuna with lettuce and lemon and more water and then I’d have more tuna for dinner. And when I felt hungry as hell? I went to sleep. It helped me a lot to be a sick person at it’s fullest. But hey, I def started to lose weight. With all the things I cut and the pills I was this close to achieve my goal. I decided to join my mom on her gym routine and people there started to compliment me about how skinny I started to look. I was living the dream!! I started to push myself way harder on the gym (I also almost fainted like 2-3 times a week) but Hey, I needed to get toned! Being skinny wasn’t enough. So I started to realize I could get myself to look better. And guess who helped me achieve my skeleton look? My dearest friend, index finger. We had our first meeting one time at the bathroom. That time I didn’t thought I’d be capable of doing something like that. I was scared of the result. But somehow we managed to forget that rocky start and the first time I vomited I was like “woah so this is how it feels. My god, can’t believe I’ve missed this my whole life” and it was so easy. I didn’t even need to cut foods. I could eat whatever I wanted! And then It would be gone for good! And all I had to do was push my finger deep in my throat. So fucking easy. And that’s how I finally achieved my goal, by playing the girl from the exorcist movie in my bathroom every day after every meal. I should’ve been happy, but my ED said “nope” and I had a whole breakdown and missed my prom. I went trough a lot of changes, decided to cut and dye my hair and tried to become a whole new person while stile carrying my oldest two versions (The one before the ED, and the one who had the ED) and I felt like I became an actress in this movie called “how long could you keep it cool until you become crazy”. Around that time, I weighted like 43...42 kg. I was way under my weight. My legs were tiny and I loved them. I loved to feel my ribs, my hip bones. I loved to see how my clothes looked bigger on me. I even sent some of my clothes to be fixed so that they would be smaller and fit me and yet, they didn’t because I was too small now. And I loved it. No one said a thing. My family was like “Oh now you’re skinny? It must be from the gym” My mom was thrilled. She never said it, but I could tell by the way she looked at me when I asked her if she could send my clothes to her friend because they didn’t fit me anymore. She even started to buy me clothes on smaller sizes and we even joked about how now I would have to buy on the kid’s section because I was so small and I couldn’t be prouder. I took photos with the clothes that looked bigger on me. I had to have proof that I was tiny! I was having a moment. And people started to notice that I became tiny but never asked how I got to be ‘that’ tiny. So, they never asked. I never answered. Until now lol. So the family trip to the beach happened and there I ate all the things I couldn’t while achieving my goal, because what the hell I was already skinny, I could eat whatever I wanted. And I ate, and ate and yet, I looked good on the bikini photos. I MEAN, for the first time in years I bought a TWO PIECES swimsuit. I had a great time there, it felt like a culmination in my life. I took cute pictures in front of the beach house, my cousin complimented be about looking skinny and pretty and yeah, happy ever after. Back at home, the struggle wasn’t over. I started to eat normally again but always fearing about my weight. I was perfect. I couldn’t lose that. So it begins the journey of “eating and regretting and then vomiting and then regretting it and then sending everything to hell and eating once again” and that went on repeat ALL DAY. To summarize, this isn’t exactly a story with a happy ending. It got to a point where I realized “WTF DUDE. YOU’LL DIE FROM THIS” and I stopped doing all that shit. Even my parents noticed the whole thing before I could send it back to hell. Tbh I was kinda expecting them to be mad or anything but they were like “we could hear you vomiting” and that’s all. Um, so you heard? Uh, sorry? My mom was more worried about how the toilet looked after I threw up on it. She said the stains were awful. So, I’d like to say sorry to my mom for staining her toilet while dealing with all my shit. My bad mom. 

Now, I’d like to state that it’s been three years since that happened and my family and I still haven’t spoke about it. I had to seek help somewhere else. And you know, I’m not stating that my parents are the ones to blame. No, I was 17. I was totally aware of how awful having a ED was and yet I decided to participate. However, I totally believe they should have said something. I mean, it took a very short time for me to lose more than 30 kg and I slept all day. Wasn’t that weird for them? Maybe. But my parent’s weren’t exactly raised to be aware of people’s emotions. My parents were raised to be emotionless. They rarely show emotions and that’s something regular at home. So, if they ever felt worried they never expressed it because they didn’t knew how. And that’s normal, At least to me. 

Moving forward to 2020, I’m 21. I’m an ED survivor (hate the word but you know, I didn’t died so I guess I kinda survived?) and I’m still in recovery and def not fully healed. That’s why I said this didn’t exactly had a happy ending. Because when you have an ED you can’t just put it away and make it disappear from your life. Nope, it’s not that easy and if someone says it is. They’re big liars. People talk about how difficult is to recover and gain weight without having these awful thoughts but they never tell you how your relationship with food changes forever. Or maybe they do, but it’s very rare tbh. Now, 3 years after having an ED I can say I still have it in me. Every time I eat something, I can’t help to feel guilty. To have the urge to vomit everything or the amount of times I say in my head “You need to cut food again” I get a losing weight goal every month. And I have the same feelings and thoughts I used to have 3 years ago. I look at myself in the mirror and I don’t feel proud. I get the feeling I’m not having my best moment. And it sucks, you know? Because it’s tiring. Having your mind working 24/7 on the food you just ate and you could have replaced it with something healthier. And not being able to stop it. It also doesn’t help the fact that my mom is still obsessed with losing weight. She still has this habit of checking what I eat and making this “I don’t approve it” face. A month ago, I kinda had a relapse. I started to cut foods and then I was like “Hey, remember those pills? They still exist, you know?” But, I had no money. I couldn’t go outside to get them (bc quarantine, yikes) and I had no idea which ones would help me this time. So...I asked the expert; my mom. I’d like to state again I’m not blaming her. Anyways, I told her I felt fat and awful (she never said “you’re not fat” bc I have to admit, I am, at the moment) and asked her for her advice on losing weight stuff. She quickly recommended some popular diet pills she once listened a woman recommend in the radio. She even told me about a deal they had! Which included 3 bottles, all of them with 60 pills. Bro, I was in paradise at that moment. 180 pills plus having the opportunity to lose weight? WHAT A FUCKING DEAL My mom was thrilled, she even got the deal for herself (and both suffered from the same consequences, that my mom tried to cover up by saying that “it was the body’s reaction” and that we were detoxing our bodies” but I decided to cut that bullshit and stopped taking them bc I had awful results (and also, I wasn’t exactly losing weight which was the whole goal) 

Today, June 2nd. I reflected about this whole thing. I am proud I never went to the bottom and to the hospital. But I’m not proud on the fact that I still haven’t recovered. Not even a bit. I mean, yeah, now I have double thoughts before doing something my ED tells me to do, but I still have the urge of being skinny. I still compare my body and feel like that is the only thing I could offer. Most stories shared this day, are successful ones. Most have this cute ending with them still being skinny but now, reflecting on life and talking about healthy weight gain. But not all stories are like those ones. There’s people still struggling. Like me, I haven’t even recovered but yet, I’m sharing this shit. Because that’s the reality behind having a daughter, sister, friend, with an ED. 

We would never openly say “I HAVE AN EATING DISORDER” but it’s always in the little details. It’s in the way they read the menu and search for the healthy options and the calories, the way they express about their bodies, the way they constantly say how much they need to go to the gym. It’s in the way they look at food whenever you offer them, like if they could calculate how many days would it take for that food to get stuck in their body, specifically in the abdomen area. It’s there, but not many people gets to see it. It’s a matter of paying attention. And no, we do not want attention all the time, we do not want you to save us. It’s not about that. It’s about being aware that we are struggling and that we might need your support at least once. 

Personally, I do not want to be saved. I just want to cope with it. I want to be able to eat healthy without falling again into these crap. I want to be able to look back and say “I fucking did it”. If I’m totally honest, the thought of losing weight will always be here with me. I’ll always have this little voice telling me “You could be smaller, you know? “You could stop your dad from saying that you’d be perfect to play football again because you could tackle everyone with that body” “You could be as tiny as your sister” “You could show your ballet teacher that you do not look like a ball anymore” “You could make your mom proud because you have taken her advice” “You could fit in that shirt and those pants again” and the most important one “You could have it all” because sadly, in this world, skinny means successful. And while I still try to achieve being that successful, the ED thoughts won’t go away, not at all. And I’m being honest. Terribly honest. But at least, I’m not lying and saying I’ll do better. Because, I’ll be better, just not today and maybe not even in two years from now. But I’ll be one day. 

This story was shared to commemorate the World Eating Disorders Action Day (June 2nd) to spread awareness about what ED really mean and what they actually look like in real life. 

[nicodigiovanni]

An “Unbiased” Interview with Domenico Di Giovanni

Domenico Di Giovanni ( Cody Christian ) is a 17 year old JUNIOR student at Broadripple Academy.HE is originally from Los ANGELES but moved to Broadripple roughly A YEAR ago. HE is AMBITIOUS and PLAYFUL but can also be SELFISH and INSECURE.

1. What’s your full name? 

“Domenico di Giovanni”

2. Do you have a nickname?

“Nico is fine.”

3. What does your name mean? Does it have any significance in your family? Do you like your name? 

“Who cares it’s not like it’s my choice. It was gramps’ or something and anyway we all have pretentious catholic names in the family.”

4. Age and Date of Birth?  

“I’m seventeen; birthday is May 18th, remember it when it’s time for a present.”

5. Gender and Pronouns? 

“Definitely Male… He/Him Yep.”

6. Hometown? 

“Los Angeles baby.”

7. Does you fit into any well known archetypes or tropes?

“Woah I can’t be defined by tropes, what kind of question is this?”*

*Jerk Jock\Lovable Jock\WellDoneSon! guy

8. How long have you been at Broadripple? 

“Last year”

9. What led you to apply to Broadripple? Was it a decision made by you or by your parents/guardians or somewhere in between? 

“I’m Legacy, as easy as that…” 

Beat 

“Well that and a scholarship, but I definitely didn’t need it.” 

Beat. 

“Ok nop, I did, kinda broke here, but I’ll kill you if you tell this to anyone ok?” 

“And you know? Broadripple’s name tends to look good on college applications.”

10. Do you like Broadripple? 

“School is fine, I mean, mom and dad are like a continent away and that’s freaking great.” 

“Although, the old school wasn’t bad and the weather here sucks, I mean LA versus Nightmore… Yeah…”

11. What house are you in? Do you care very much about their house? 

“Melleray! We have a cool motto I can live with that and we are all going to kick ass this year.”

12. Who do you share a dorm with, or are you on your own for the moment? What are you like to live with? Are you clean or messy? Early risers or night owl?

“Johnnie Ward. He is fine, I mean, it was easier with last year’s roomie though. Christ the guy was spineless you know? I could make him do anything and he knew when to vanish when I brought in a girl… He left school though. I wonder why…”

“Now it’s ok, I mean, I don’t spend that much time in the room anyway, busy guy here, sleep late, sneak out at times, jog early in the morning.”

 “Yep I’m a zombie at the first few classes, but who cares.”

“Clean? Obviously, who do you think I am?”

“My room isn’t messy, that’s a perfectly ordered chaos there.”

13. How is your dorm decorated? Is it bare or bursting at the seems with personality? Any particular sentimental items from home?

“Yeah maybe I keep my clothes piled up here and there, occasionally… well frequently… And my sport’s gear isn’t always where it should be.” Chuckle. “I think those boxing gloves staid tied to the lamp for a month or something… I know I don’t fight, but it’s fun to try new stuff ok?”

“I don’t exactly have much spare space left on the walls. Got a small basketball hoop on one side and posters… I might have a few. Soccer yeah, what did you expect? Never heard of this movie? You really don’t know 80ies horror don’t you?”

“I’m not sentimental, who cares right. I keep pictures on my phone though. Duh!”

“Well there is my Ducati, obviously, it’s vintage you know? Fuck I drove for like half a continent to get her here… Awesome adventure. Mom was so worried.” Chuckles. “I know the weather sucks, but I bring her out for a ride when I can.”

14. What is your favourite subject at school? Do you even have a favourite? Why?

“Next question?” Looks away for a moment. “History I think… math sucks though.”

15. Are you involved in any clubs? Which ones? 

“Cinema. I mean movies are awesome and I lived like a mile away from Hollywood. Well I mean not literally a mile, but you know…”

16. How does you feel about Broadripple’s Unofficial Clubs? Do you know about them? Are you a part of any of them?

Broadripple Boys’Club: “Parties! Fuck Yeah!” “Can’t wait for when I’m no longer a pledge.”

Unauthorized Chastity Club: “Is this for real? Guys how do you do that?”

Broadripple Unsolved: “Nerds!” beat. “Although they are right that the school is kinda spooky.”

17. Do you participate in any sports? If so, what made you join the team?

“Of course. Best swimmer on the team here… Yeah almost” Lowers his eyes “… Going to be captain for sure soon. And soccer, attacker obviously.”  Shrugs. “Always liked sports and you don’t live close to the Pacific without learning how to swim, besides there is the matter of that scholarship thing….”

18. What afternoon activities do you do? Do you just do the one mandatory one or are you involved in multiple? Why?

“Drama. Yeah, remember the Hollywood thing, right? Don’t have much time for that though, too busy training to pick up more than one. Not that I wanted to, most of them are lame.”

19. Do you miss home when you’re at Broadripple? Do you often go home for the weekends or do you hey only go home during holiday breaks?

“If I have to. I mean it’s like on the other coast right? Definitely not on weekends and well…I’d rather stay here during the holidays sometimes… It’s fun to go back and get wasted with friends from the old school though. And my little sis misses me so there is that.”

20. Did you know Izzy De Santis or Maggie Monroe? 

“Izzy was weird… I mean crazy religious and super laid back type. Friends? No not really he is a teammate though. Well was… I wonder what the hell happened to him.”

“Meggie? I didn’t really know her, but she and Izzy running away together, nop… not happening, must have been something else.”

21. Have you heard of Edith Lynch? Do you know the story?

“Kinda, I googled her when things started to get creepy.”

22. How do you feel about Nighmore? Have you noticed the recently closed shops yet?

“Only place you can go in miles, not exactly the Sunset strip, but I mean still better than school… And now shops are closing too. What the hell is going on? Fuck I hope that the school won’t close too or something... That would suck.”

23. Do you have any aesthetic Pinterest boards/WeHeartIt collections? Or playlists? Anything you would like to share!

 “Not yet”

[descentintobandom]

Ghost of Ohio

Title: Ghost of Ohio Chapter: One-Shot Pairing: Ghost of Ohio!Andy/OC Rating: T Fic Summary: While taking pictures in the graveyard, Leila meets the Ghost of Ohio. Author’s Notes: Obviously inspired by “Ghost of Ohio” by Andy Black. I also used the “Ghost of Ohio: Prologue” for background context since the comic book doesn’t out until mid-April. I guess this kinda counts as an AU.

Leila was 14 when she first saw him.

Most people wouldn’t be in the graveyard the day after Christmas, but it had snowed and the gravestones looked so beautiful.

Leila took out her camera and started snapping photos, checking after every one to make sure she got the shot she wanted. She snapped a picture aimed at some gravestones on the edge of the forest.

Looking back at the photo, there appeared to be a shadow near the trees. It almost looked like a person.

She looked back up, but didn’t see anyone. After putting her camera away, Leila walked over towards the edge of the forest.

These gravestones were older. Much older.

One of them caught her eye.

“Andrew Dennis Biersack. Beloved son”, was all Leila could work out. The rest had been worn away by the weather.

She took a picture of it with her phone and left the graveyard, all the while feeling like someone or something was watching her. When Leila returned home, she logged onto her computer to research the mysterious Andrew Biersack.

He was accused of the murder of five people and hanged on December 20. The people of the town removed his right eye and chopped off his hand to protect themselves from the supposed ‘curse’ he had placed on them.

Leila thought it sounded like pure bullshit.

Andrew was just an innocent person executed for a crime he didn’t commit and he supposedly haunted the graveyard. Most people didn’t know his name, so they just called him the Ghost of Ohio.

When she went back the next day, he was nowhere to be found.

A year later, Leila visited the graveyard again. This time for different reasons. Her grandmother had died that year and her birthday was a few days after Christmas.

As she was laying the flowers on the grave, she heard, “She loved you, you know”. She turned and fell back in shock.

A young man stood in front of her. Only…there was something off about him. He had a single blue eye and the other was completely gone and one of his hands was missing.

Leila found herself unable to scream.

“Please don’t be afraid”, the man said as he held out his hand.

“You’re…you’re the Ghost of Ohio”, she said as he helped her up.

“Please, call me Andy”.

“You were in my picture last year”.

“I apologize for that if I frightened you. Sometimes I have no control over where I show up”.

“Why can’t I see you during the year?”

“I don’t know. Every December 26th, I’m given one night to roam this earth, but I’m confined to this city”.

“So…are you like…stuck here?”

“Yes. Until my name is cleared, my business on this earth will continue to be unfinished”.

The year Leila turned 16, she started a campaign to clear Andy’s name and have him exonerated. Most people thought she was crazy, but she pursued it anyway.

Eventually, the city of Cincinnati agreed to exonerate Andy’s name and admit that he was an innocent that was blamed for the murder on the basis of no evidence linking him the crime.

When Leila walked into the cemetery, she didn’t expect to find Andy at his gravestone waiting for her. “But…I had your name cleared. What are you still doing here?” she asked him.

Andy shrugged. “Maybe I’m cursed to walk this earth forever”.

“Well, since you’re still here, I figured we could go for a drive and you could show me your old haunts”. Leila then started laughing while Andy just gave her a weird look. “Haunts? Because you’re a ghost?” she asked, but Andy didn’t laugh. “Okay, sorry. Didn’t know that was offensive to you”.

Andy walked with Leila back to her car and opened the passenger side door.

“Woah. Wait. You won’t like…fall through the car or something…will you?” she asked him.

Andy rolled his eyes and got in the car, shutting the door behind them.

“This is just weird”, Leila muttered to herself as she started up the car.

They spent the early morning hours just driving around the city.

As the sun came up, Andy became more and more transparent.

“Thank you for spending time with me, Leila”, Andy said, “If I am cursed to spend an eternity on this earth, at least I will have you”. Before he disappeared completely, he leaned over and kissed Leila on the cheek.

Leila’s cheeks burned as Andy faded from her sight.

When Leila turned 17, her feelings towards Andy had begun to change. She looked forward to seeing him that year. Like every year, Leila met Andy next to his gravestone.

But this year, Leila brought him home with her. “You’re not gonna like haunt my house or anything like that, right?” she asked him.

Once again, Andy didn’t laugh.

“Did your sense of humor die with you or something?” she asked as they walked in the front door.

“Leila! Where have you been?” her mother asked.

“Oh, you know me. I love to take a walk right after it snows. It’s so beautiful before all the kids of the neighborhood destroy it. But I’m really cold and tired now, so I think I’m just gonna go up to my room and curl up under my covers”.

“Okay, goodnight dear”, her mother said kissing her head.

Andy and Leila went up to her room and Leila went into her closet to change. When she came out, Andy was lying on her bed.

“I hope this is okay”, Andy said.

“It’s fine”, she told him. Leila laid down next to him, cautiously setting her head on his stomach with one of her arms thrown over his legs.

His body was as cold as death (which made sense), but it was comforting to her.

Andy’s hand came up to play with her hair as Leila closed her eyes. In the morning, Andy would be gone and she would be alone in her bed. Just like every night.

The thought of it made Leila feel sad. She felt foolish.

Falling in love with a ghost? This wasn’t a TV show or some crappy YA paranormal romance book. But she loved Andy. Fate had a cruel sense of humor. She settled back against his cold chest, content to spend this time with him.

It was the day after her 18th birthday when it happened. Just after midnight to be exact.

Leila was driving home from her birthday party her friends had thrown from her. It was a route she had taken many times before, but it was rainy and the roads were wet. Leila’s phone buzzed and against her better judgement, she reached down to check it. When she looked up again, she was in the wrong lane, headed straight for another car. She jerked the wheel and swerved off the road. The last she saw was a tree in front of her before everything went black.

When Leila opened her eyes, a piercing blue eye met hers. “Andy?” she asked him.

He gave her a somber smile and said, “It’s time to go now”. Andy held his hand out to her and she took it. He pulled her up and she felt an enormous weight leave her shoulders. He led her to the edge of the forest.

“Wait. Andy? What’s going on? Why are we going this way?” she asked.

“Please don’t turn…”

But it was too late. Leila turned around just in time to see herself being pulled out of the wreckage of her car. She watched helplessly as the EMT’s tried to resuscitate her with no luck. A sob escaped her mouth and she finally understood.

“I’m dead”.

“Yes”, Andy told her.

“What will happen now?”

“We’ll go wherever this takes us”.

“But you were supposed to move on. I cleared your name. You had no more unfinished business”.

“I couldn’t move on without you and I was willing to wait as long as it took. You were my unfinished business”.

Leila turned around to face him and looked up into his single blue eye. She placed her hands on his cheeks and leaned up, pressing her lips to his. Instead of feeling cold, he felt like the same temperature as her.

It didn’t matter what happened or where they went.

As long as she was with Andy, Leila didn’t care.

[tedddy-exe]

Jonathan

Jonathan.

[Inspired off the movie Annie 1982. This book is an H20VANOSS. Other ships will be included]

Characters replaced

Annie – Jonathan

Sandy – Squirrel

Bryce – Molly

Ryan – Pepper

[All other characters will be the same, others have been added. I'd like to say this story is between 2010 to 2014]

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3

'I think I'm going to like it here'

A nice fancy car rolled up the road on Hudson St, a black Mercedes-Benz S-Class to be exact, and it parked right outside the home for boys. Less fortunate people passed by eyeing the car in all its beauty, some looked in jealousy others in admiration. A few stood and looked as an well dressed up man came out the front seat and headed to the back door to open it, he walked around to the other side of the car and the man opened the door widely and a beautiful young woman stepped out, blue dress suit and a blue hat to match even her blue tie matched witch her white and blue outfit, her deep drown hair was tied back into a bun handing loosely out the hat.

She walked up the doors of the home for boys and ran the doorbell, a man walking by looked her up and down with an look of desire, she was definitely someone from a place with lots of money either working for someone or working her own business but the fact that she came all the way out here to an much more poor place made everyone think she much be working for someone, after ringing the bell she waited and looked at the children looking at her, she gave them an awkward smile. She ran the doorbell again a couple of shouts were heard "Alright, alright!", then the door swung open "Yeah?".

The woman standing there gave a smile, "Miss Hannigan, I'm Grace Farrell. The New York's board of orphans sent me". Miss Hannigan took a long stare at her before crying out- "OH! My goodness, why don't you come in?", her grin going as wide as possible, Grace nodded and replied her thanks "Thank you".

"Right this way" Miss Hannigan held the door open for her as Grace walking in carrying her bag. Grace looked at her surroundings with a look of shook before Miss Hannigan grabbed her forearm linking in her one and with a joyful voice, she said "Welcome to our happy home", Grace smiled at he and looked to the boys hanging around on the steps. "What did you say your name was?". Grace gave another smile, "Uh Grace Ferrell" Miss Hannigan nodded as in approving manner, "Grace, what a lovely name".

Grace looked around awkwardly for a moment, "Uh, I'm here to inquire about an orphan?".

Miss Hannigan put on a shocked face before grabbing Grace's shoulders, "Grace, wait, I can explain the whole thing! You see what, what happened" Miss Hannigan then began to rush Grace and herself forward, "That- that the child bribed Mr. Bundles to smuggle her outta here in the laundry basket!". Grace looked towards the flailing woman confused, "I knew I should've called and told him, but the truth is my brain threw a red and I called the cops instead! But the he's back now and everything fine, ho harm non felt, huh?".

Grace sorted herself out, "Hiss Hannigan, what on earth are you talking about?". That's when Miss Hannigan's feared face dropped and turned into a disinterested one, "Hold it sister, are you pedaling beauty products? Because if ya are I don't need no beauty products.", Miss Hannigan then reached for a cigarette putting it in her mouth and sitting on her chair behind a desk, kicking up her feet. "If that's what you're doing, you can pedal yourself outta here, sweetie".

Grace smiled, "Miss Hannigan, I am the private secretary to the Oliver Warbucks". Miss Hannigan sat up in her chair, "The Oliver Warbucks? Oliver Warbucks the millionaire?". Grace laughed and sat down on the chair in front of the desk "No, Oliver Warbucks the billionaire"

Miss Hannigan's feet dropped down with a bang, she put her head in her palm "Holy mother of Mary god".

"Mr. Warbucks's would like an orphan to spend a week away at his home, I'm here to select one". Something in the corner of Grace's eyes caught her attention, she looked beside Miss Hannigan to see a boy peeking out the closest with a finger in between his lips, it was no other than Jonathan.

"Well that's just wonderful!" Miss Hannigan started sorting out papers on her desk.  "What kind of orphan do you have in mind?", "Oh well uhm, friendly", She looked to Jonathan ho nodded and raised his brow then to Miss Hannigan, "Intelligent". Jonathan smiled "Mississippi, capital M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I", Jonathan whispered, and Grace smiled back at him.

"And happy". Suddenly Jonathan let out a laugh, an loud crazy one filled with snorts and wheezes, Grace couldn't help but laugh too, Miss Hannigan hearing the two got up and shut the door to the room containing Jonathan, She glared at Grace and then returned to her seat missing it and falling to the ground. Grace let out a little 'oh', she arose from the ground, "how old" she blinked a few times "Oh, well age doesn't really matter... 13?", She saw Jonathan peak out from the closet again and saw him motion his hand upwards "14, 15, 16?", Jonathan's hand signaled a stop to go no higher, "yes 16, 16 will do just fine!".

Miss Hannigan nodded, "16, ok". "Oh, I am so sorry, I forgot to say Mr. Warbucks prefers freckled children", Miss Hannigan stared at her, "Freckled, yep no, don't got it".

Jonathan stepped out of the closest, Grace got up "Well, what about this child", She walked over to him hells clicking, she gently rested her hands on his shoulders, "Jonathan?", Grace nodded smiling at Jonathan and a big grin plastered on Jonathan's one, "Yeah, Jonathan". Miss Hannigan laughed waving her hand, "You don't want him".

"And why not"

"He's- He's a drunk"

"Uh-oh! No. Jonathan, how would you like to spend a week at Mr. Warbucks house?"

Jonathan smiled more, "Oh boy, I would love too, really, really love to!"

Miss Hannigan stood, pulling Jonathan away "Hold on a minute wait!", Her eyes burning with hate, "You can take an orphan, I mean any but Jonathan!".

"But why?"

"Because He's got it coming to him and I don't mean a week in the lab of luxury, This Brats got to learn his place!". Grace looked shocked, "Place?"

"Jonathan's entirely to cheeky!", Grace was appalled, "Mr. Warbucks likes cheeky children" She pulled him away, Miss Hannigan snatched him back "tough!", Grace pulled him back again, "I assume-", Both of them started bickering back and forth both an hand on each of Jonathan's arms.

"-He also told me about the people he had lined up for your job!", Suddenly Miss Hannigan stopped pulling at Jonathan. "I think it would be very easy for you to lose your job right now, don't you think?". She let go of his arm pushing him away, Grace grabbed his shoulders, "Leaping lizards!", Miss Hannigan did her usual and mocked his voice.

"C'mon Jonathan, Mr. Warbucks limo is waiting!". Grace collected her stuff walking, Jonathan followed only to stop, "Is okay if I bring my dog too?", Grace twirled around looking at Jonathan "Dog?".

Jonathan started patting his legs. "C'mere squirrel, come on", A German Shepherd came walking out of the from the closet, Squirrel's tan fur shook as he walked, you could easily see the darker spots in his coat. "He's really nice, really, really good. He never jumps up on people"- just then Squirrel jumps up onto her. "Oh no, Jonathan, that's a really sweet dog but I don't think it'll work Mr. Warbucks-", Jonathan cut her off, "Then I'm not coming".

Grace's smile dropped, "What?"

"She's going to send him to the sausage factory, she said it herself."

"I'm not a zone for dogs" She growled. "Well, we'll take him!", Jonathan's smile reappeared "Oh boy!". Miss Farrell took Jonathan's hand. Though Jonathan was 16, Grace noticed how much he sounded, acted and even looked like a 10-year-old!

He wasn't your average child to say at-least.

All the other kids waved from the windows of the orphanage, "Bye!" "Bye Jonathan!" "Goodbye!", Bryce was giving a big wave from the window and Ryan could be seen from behind the small child, the 17-year-old looking quite sad to see Jonathan go.

"I'll be back, and I'll bring presents!"

Grace helped the short male up into the car, he wasn't at all tall for his age either- 5,4. Jonathan didn't despise his height at all. Once seated in the car he rolled down the window and waved to Bryce and Ryan, "Bye Bryce, Bye Ryan!".

The Mercedes-Benz S-Class was driving up to a very big looking building, which to later Jonathan would learn that it is called a mansion.

A man at the gates pulled them open letting the car roll into the grounds, Jonathan looked out the window holding onto Squirrel with a 'wow' look on his face, he's never seen such a fancy place, it looked like the train stations Ryan talked about when he first arrived at the orphanage.

"Is this a train station, are we going on a train?" Jonathan yelped happily, "No sweetie, this is Mr. Warbucks home"

Grace jumped out the car Jonathan followed close behind as Squirrel also jumped out, Jonathan held onto the car door as he looked to the colored man that stood just outside the doors of the house. He held no expression, his white turban sat on top of his head with a red gem, he also had a nice traditional white and red outfit on with a red and deep orange-ish rope around his waist.

Squirrel started barking at the man, suddenly the man with barely any expression started making hand movements, Squirrel dropped to the ground and rolled onto his back.

"Woah", The man gave a slight smile. Jonathan jumped out from the car and grabbed Squirrel's leach.

"Jonathan, this is Punjab and Asp. Mr. Warbucks bodyguards"

Grace then laughed, "Come on now sweetheart, let's get you settled", They walked up the stairs and into the big hallway. Jonathan stopped for second to wipe his feet on the big carpet in front of him, Grace smiled taking off her hat. They passed a man working on a plant, He noticed Jonathan with a jump he got up and followed close behind.

In the hallway there was a gold rose table that help a vase with millions of pink roses and other pink flowers, Jonathan sniffed one from the vase. A woman fixing up the flowers gave a shocked face to the new comers.

Quiet music could be heard in the background.

A bunch of old men could be seen working on papers in the doorway open to the room. Jonathan peaked around the corner of the flowers to look at them, one of the working men dropped their book and all of them got up from their seats to look at the child, Jonathan gave a toothy smile, his gap in the front two showing off brightly, he let go of the flowers and kept walking with Squirrel, the people from the business room walked out and also followed close behind Jonathan and Grace.

After going through the next doors, Jonathan's eyes widened at the sight, pillars upon pillars engraved with style and balconies that people hung over doing duties. It must be the main hall.

Its roof was plastered with colored glass, after looking back down to the ground again and flash was saw.

Everyone once working had stopped to see the dirty child who had walked into the premises of Mr. Warbucks.

A fat looking butler cam walking up to them, his green suit showing he had much more importance than the others around.

He sneezed, "Into the zoo, Miss Farrell?".

Grace handed him her hat and bag; she shook her head. "Not recently Drake, has the organ been tuned?". And then they continued their walk.

"Yes miss".

"Pool heated".

"Yes miss".

"Tennis court net on?".

"Yes miss".

"Front Doors fixed?".

"Yes miss".

"Elevator oiled?".

"Yes ma'am".

"Computer keyboard prepared?".

"Yes ma 'dam" .

The man in green sneezed again.

"Are you allergic to dogs, Drake?".

"No, filth".

"Is dinner on its way, Mrs. Pugh?", a motherly looking woman swung her washing cloth around with a smile she replied, "Yes, I'm preparing his favorite. Texas grapefruit, Virginia ham, Idaho potatoes, Wisconsin cheese, Washington apples and baked Alaska". Jonathan smile at Mrs. Pugh, he had never heard any of the foods before, but he knew damn well it was going to be better than what Miss Hannigan gave him to eat.

Grace smiled and walked in front of the group of people standing by, "I have an announcement to make everyone, I have an announcement".

"This-", she pointed at the kid in front of her, "Is Jonathan and he'll be staying with us for a week."

Everyone then greeted Jonathan with smiles and hellos.

"This is his dog, Squirrel".

Jonathan waved back and then tightened his grip on Squirrel's leach, "Who'll be staying with me". The maids and butlers standing around giggled at his joke.

A lovely looking woman come over and politely asked, "Will I take your jacket, sir?". Jonathan gave her a baffled, "Will I get it back?", another woman looking a bit older took his jacket off with a smile. "Of course, sir!". The music that was playing in the background suddenly sounded like it was louder than before, Grace then bended over with her hands on her knees and with a smile she asked, "Now, Jonathan what would you like to do first?".

Jonathan put his pointer finger and his thumb to his chin giving a quick look around by spinning he stated, "The windows then floors", He started walking over to the bucket filled with water and cloth at the stairs, "Then that way if I drip-", He reached for the cloth in the bucket, "No, no, no Jonathan".

Grace put a hand on his arm pulling him away, "You don't understand", She pulled him back into the middle of the group.

"You don't have to do any cleaning while you're here with us".

"I won't, how am I gonna earn my keep?".

"Why, Jonathan your our guest", Grace held a hand onto his shoulder her out arm stretching out to the room, with an bright and lovely voice Grace started to sing with the music, "Cecille will pick out all your clothes", Cecille looked Him up and down, "Green is his best color, no, blue".

Another woman was introduced, "Your bath is drawn by Mrs. Greer", Mrs. Greer grabbed his shoulders crouching with a smile. "Soap, no, bubbles I think", Jonathan smiled widely, he loved bubbles!

"Annette comes in to make your bed", The woman who had taken Jonathan's denim jacket earlier stalked over, "The silk, no, the satin sheets, I think" .

Jonathan then was patted on the cheeks by Grace, "I think I'm gonna like it here!". He was then picked up by some butlers into the air as a maid started taking his measurements, a flash went off too and another photo was taken, someone else threw a big sheet of blue into the air.

The men then laid him on his back on their hands so that the main could get a look at his size, men and woman danced in the background very flowed, one maid cam up to Jonathan with a tray of cups for him to pick out, another gave him a pillow to test out. Two men dancing while cleaning knocked one over and he tumbled with an 'oh!'.

Grace then picked up the weightless boy and put him on the shoulder of the fallen man, he held onto Jonathan as two others pushed him along the ground, Grace walked backwards in front of them singing, "The pool is down the stairs".

She pointed to them, "Inside the house? Oh boy!" .

The were pushed into the next hallway as some ladies jumped in the air with their dust cleaners.

"The tennis court is in the rear".

"I never even picked up a racket".

"What?", She turned to Drake, "Have an instructor here a noon. Oh, and get that Don Budge fellow if he's available".

The man who tumbled earlier let Jonathan down from his shoulder and other ran off.

It was Jonathan's turn to sing.

"I think I'm gonna like it here".

Maids in the dinning room set up the tablet with followers and cutlery, they then put two hands down onto the table and kicked their lets into the airs spinning around. Squirrel then ran passed Mrs. Pugh who threw a plate into the air after Squirrel ran underneath the table, a butler behind caught it and whisked away. Both Jonathan and Mrs. Pugh looked under the dinning table.

More men came in lifting themselves into the air kicking their legs and Drake came in carrying a chair, Mrs. Pugh held Jonathan close to her. Drake set the chair down, Mrs. Pugh started singing now, "When you wake, ring for Drake. Drake will bring your tray", Squirrel then jumped onto the chair and Drake gave the dirty dog a glare.

Drake sang while glaring at the dog eating food off the plate, "When you're through Mrs. Pugh comes to take it away".

Jonathan heard a faint call of his name; He ran back into the hallway slipping and sliding on the clean floors. Grace and the others encouraged him. Grace caught him, Jonathan swung his leg up, giggling.

Grace planted him on the steps, both her and servants sang, "No need to pick up any toys". Jonathan started hopping up the stairs, "That's okay, I haven't any anyway". He then started running up them, everyone followed.

"No finger will you lift my dear", Both crouched grinning at each other. They both started running up the next flight of stairs. "We have but one request", a man fell while running up the stairs, "Please put us to the test".

Jonathan ran back down grabbing his hand and helping him back up on his two feet, Jonathan smiled at the man.

"I know I'm gonna like it here".

In his new bedroom, maids fixed him a new bed. While passing pillows to each other Jonathan arose from the covers, he sang again.

"Used to room in a tomb. Where I'd sit and freeze. Get me now, holy cow!"

He looked around at he ladies smiling at him, "Could someone pinch me please?"

In the bathroom, Drake was cleaning Squirrel. "Now hold still you little rascal", Squirrel barked and jumped out running with soap going everywhere.

Jonathan had gone back backstairs and started playing with the organ pressing any keys he could, making an unfriendly tune.

He looked over the balcony of where the organ was sitting and watched the men and woman belong dance and leap.

Swinging their legs and twirling, men tap danced. He too wanted to leap and twist like the girls down there one day.

Jonathan turned around, walking into another room that held one another balcony that looked on outside, out there was a gardener working on the bushes. He stood up and waved a big wave to Jonathan, "Hiya Jonathan!", He grabbed a yellow flower, "Got something for ya!". He jumped up with a spin of 3 times and then proceeded to climb up the lattice, He gave Jonathan the flower, "Here ya go, Jonathan!".

Jonathan sniffed it then put it in his hair.

Grace picked Jonathan up, pulling him away from the gardener.

They both stood at the top of the stairs, "We've never had a little boy, we hope you understand your wish is our command", Jonathan started walking down the stairs, "I know gonna like it here, I'm glad I could volunteer".

Grace laughed, "I'm glad, I say I'm glad that he volunteered".

All the servants meet Grace and Jonathan halfway down the stairs, "We know your gonna like it here". They lifted him up into the air, "I know I'm gonna like it here!"

They all gathered around Jonathan who was in the air, hands raised to him as he started shaking them one by one.

FLASH.

The camera went again.

[lowsodiumlevels]

Necroexist ch.7

Lei p.o.v

I walk into the bathroom, and look at myself in the mirror, woah, i look like shit.

When was the last time i got a haircut? It's starting to cover my right eye. Speaking of hair, my hair is green wtf, it's like the emerald green, pretty cool actually, my eyes have scars around them one just a line, the other making an X. That's where "Ethan" attacked me. Wait....ARE MY EYES GREEN TOO WTF!?

I look so wierd.

I exit the bathroom and walk into the kitchen to find something to eat, since i haven't had a decent meal in years. After looking around i open a door and-

"YOOOO THIS MAN GOT TWINKIES-" i said with excitement.  I said this because he had a whole closet dedicated to twinkies, there's atleast over 80 boxes in here wtf.

I guess he won't mind if i take just one box.

I grab a box and once i do i hear a distant yell coming from another room.

"PUT IT BACK-" i heard colorless yell.

"COME ON MAN, I JUST WANT ONE PLEASE, I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING GOOD IN YEARS!" I yell back.

He then walks into the kitchen.

"The only reason I'm saying put it back is because those contain alcohol" he said.

I look at him. "Aaaand?"

" I'm not letting a 17 year old eat my alchohol filled twinkies.." he said as he grabs the box i hand in my hand and closes the door and locks it.

I walked into the living room still hungry.

God I'm so hungry i could eat this table right here. I then procced to bite into the table and actually managed to rip a piece off. Tastes like wood.

Ow, ok never eat a table, i now have splinters in my mouth. I can taste the blood in my mouth. I expected it to hurt more, but suprisingly it actually felt fine, guess being half demon made me resistant to pain. I then felt my mouth....healing itself? Guess that's a pro, but still there are many cons to all this.

Damn, i still need something good to eat.

" Lei, just go ask colorless for some food" ender said.

Oh yeah i thought, why not just ask. I realize I'm not the smartest but jeez i must be full-on retarded.

I walk into colorless's room and see him taking off his amulet. His skin then turns into a normal color, and his hair turns blonde and his eyes a light green. He then takes some glasses out of a drawer and puts them on.

He turns around a sees me.

" oh so that's what you look like, heh you look like shit, no offense". He said.

Wtf....i look at him, jesus, from edgy to- a fuckin model....i snap back to reality.

" n-none taken, anyways do you have any food i could eat I'm really hungry" i asked.

He then takes me to a door and opens it to reveal alot of food you'd find at a fancy restaurant.

"Go crazy" he said.

I quickly grabbed as much as i could, went to a table to sit down, and started viciously eating the food. It was soooooo good.

"Wooow, you were hungry.." colorless said.

I stop eating and look at him.

" yeah, hey so you.....can change how you look....?" I said.

He pauses for a moment then gasps.

" OH, hehe right, sorry, yes i can, you see when i wear the amulet it "changes" me, my mood, my strengths, everything, and it drains my colors, also it makes me blind..which is kind of a con....". He explains.

I guess that's pretty cool. Wonder how he got it.

" sooo, what would happen if i wore it?" I asked.

"NEVER WEAR IT-" colorless shouts.

This startled me and made me almost fall out of my chair.

"S-sorry, i-.....just don't wear it ok..." he said.

"O-ok then..." i said a little nervously.

I then thank him for the food and go back into my room. I sit down on the bed,fall back and lay down. I suddenly grow more and more sleepy. Probably because i ate all that food.

"Sleepy..?" Ender said suddenly which freaked me out.

"GAH-....y-yeah,...dude you gotta stop popping up outta nowhere, it's scary as hell" i said annoyed.

"Pfft- it's kinda cute to see you scared..." he said.

I ain't cute....

"Dont say weird shit..." i said as i looked away from him.

" tch whatever....so you gonna sleep?" He asked.

Why the hell does he wanna know?

" yes, why are you asking?" I question.

Ender just stares at me.

"...we can finally relax..." he finally says.

Eh...well yeah, i can't remember the last time i actually relaxed, I've always been so stressed out. Welp guess i can take a nap and empty my mind.

Unless ender decides to fuck with me in my dreams.

Little Shit.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Old glee spoof liveblogs

Yuè [glee spoof 4] so yeah i decided to watch all of simgm's glee stuff (glee spoof, glee minisodes, gleedo) and i am at spoof 4

Yuè Oh this one has no captions Yuè MICHAEL IS HERE!!!! Yuè "THE FUCKING AUDITORIUM FINN" Yuè I've been singing the Obsession with Finn song at the top of.mylungs today cause what a jam Yuè IT IS MY BOY BLAAAAAAAAINE Yuè there were a lot of guest stars Yuè GO EMMA Yuè TATER TOTS Yuè "Nice mugshot Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 5] time for rachel's nose job

Yuè ah.. no captions Yuè "but we'll pretend that never happened cause we're good at doing that with storylines" Yuè YOOO WILLIAM IS HERE FOR SAM Yuè AND ALSO SCOTT (I think that was the name of the actor before Kyle) AS PUCK Yuè glee did Wannabe in an episode but it wasn't the same because Brother's riffs weren't in there Yuè "is that all you ever do?" TRUTH Yuè I love it when Hemo smiles in the background Yuè thanks Emma for slamming Will and his "teaching" Yuè "what in the fuckity fuck fuck was that shit??" Yuè nickname one: lemon drop Yuè I love this part Yuè "where did that piano come from?" Yuè SORRY SIMGM BUT CHECK PLEASE JUST GOT UPDATED I NEED T READ IT Yuè okay okay I am going to continue cause it hasn't blown up yet so I can't blog about omgcp yet Yuè I don't like Santana faking the sexual harassment claim tho Yuè ZOOMBA Yuè thanks simgm for pointing out the double standards between male and female characters Yuè "a sad attempt of giving me a storyline" Yuè damm Sister did great job on the performances Yuè "Nice choir Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 6] WHERE'S MA CROWN? Yuè "isn't that what you did" "yeah but.. I'm Finn" Yuè "THAT'S WHY YOU BETTER ROLL" Yuè "I can't believe we're stupid enough to believe that" Yuè "wow... misjudged that one" Yuè thanks simgm for pointing out so many plot holes Yuè "you can't fight the power of Brittana" Yuè I FORGOT ABOUT JESSE FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS Yuè I can't believe Michael did Jesse and Kurt's voice Yuè *voices Yuè YES YES YES THE BLAINE SONG IS STILL MY JAM WHY ISN'T IT ON THEIR SPOTIFY? ?? Yuè "yeah if you're gonna fight at least hit each other" Yuè THIS S.MY FAVORITE PART OF ALL OF GLEE SPOOFS GO FOR IT KURT Yuè nickname two: sugary plumb pie Yuè THIS ENTIRE EPISODE IS WONDERFUL Yuè "ONE MORE TIME" Yuè "Nice poem Mercedes"

Yuè [glee spoof 7] This is over 30 minutes long that's what I call dedication

Yuè " half of the stuff that happens to us makes no damn sense" Yuè I still can't believe Boss built the entire New York set herself Yuè "I HAVE BIG PLANS" fuuuuck I should wear my I have big plans t-shirt Yuè well Quinn.. Cats is back on Broadway now aka Rachel was just 6 years early Yuè "it's no time for logic Kurt" Yuè SAVE THE HORSES Yuè "I regret nothing" I love the glee spoof Artie Yuè I just love the entire glee spoof Yuè "I HAVE BIG PLANS" Yuè I am just in constant amazement of the New York set Yuè I'm now wearing the Big Plans t-shirt just around the time Quinn goes crazy about her big plans Yuè Oh god after six years I finally get the "Bootay" thing Yuè "well this could've been a lo-" Yuè "shut the fuck up Finn" Yuè I remember Boss saying Michael worked really hard on the song Yuè Boss sounds so much like Lea it's unreal maybe Boss should be on Elsie Fest this year Yuè why doesn't the Sims 4 have spiral staircases yet? Yuè "you know you're probably gonna change your mind by the end of the episode, right?" Yuè "PLANS! Big ones!" Yuè "Okay first of all: breath mints. You needs on" Yuè Brittany is the only sane one here Yuè quite frankly. . Sunshine beating Rachel up is more believable than Rachel's sudden change of heart Yuè "I'm Finn" Yuè "that might change by the end of the episode though" true true true Yuè SMACK THAT Yuè I like this song more than Pretending but honestly I just really don't like Pretending Yuè there's so many great music in this episode Yuè I actually used to have Simgm music on my phone including this song Yuè the part with Santana and Rachel is my favourite Yuè nickname 3: pancakes Yuè nickname 4: gingerbread dough sprinkled lightly toasted graham cracker bunny" Yuè "who got tad more songs than me" "WHAT?" Yuè aaaah my Brittana shipping heart Yuè "NOW MARCH MOTHERFUCKER" Yuè "oh and. ... Tater tots" Yuè woah Brianna voiced both Terri and Sunshine?

Yuè [glee spoof 8] (Jim Cantiello voice) SEASON 3. The season where we appreciate Tina.

Yuè JUDGING YOU WRITERS Yuè "I don't have any (smile)" Yuè "We appreciate you!" Yuè "cinnamon toast" "Finn!" Yuè nickname 5: Pop Tart Yuè honestly Blaine should've just fucked stayed at Dalton Yuè what happened to Dianna's dog? Yuè "... than Kurt dropped Mercedes" oH SHIT Yuè THIS IS THE START OF UNICORN Yuè nickname 6: Candy Cane Yuè GOD BLESS THE BLAINE SONG AND BOSS'S BROTHER'S VOICE Yuè "I didn't do it" Yuè ah the angry student is back Yuè Oh wait is this where Jordan started voicing Sue? Yuè "Because they don't know what else to do with my character" Yuè good thing that glee spoof continues the hair jokes Yuè "We appreciate you!" Yuè this song was also on my phone Yuè I think I had Breakout, Tonight, Blaine song, Faith, Gotta Be Love With You and another one on my phone Yuè OH THE CELL BLOCK TANGO Yuè watching this really makes me want to play the Sims 2 again but... I have a storyline on the Sims 4 aka a fifth generation family Yuè QUINN FALLING GETS ME EVERY TIME Yuè name of Beth 1: Carol Yuè "holy crap I can't believe I'm actually saying meaningful lines" Yuè nadiacreek actually made a ranking of parents in glee and she put Shelby on it twice Yuè good for Beth and bad for Rachel Yuè "IHBBP. I have big baby plans!" Yuè "Damn, you Brittana"

Yuè [glee spoof 9] and we appreciate Tina Yuè Oh I love this song Yuè "Asian" "Asian F" "stereotype" "stop doing glee club" "no" "I'm glad we talked this out" Yuè BRITT IN A MONKEY SUIT Yuè name of Beth 2 and 3: Susan, Mary Yuè name of Beth 4: Jessica Yuè THEY SAY THAT LIFE IS TATER TOT AR R Y OU FOR REAL?? Yuè RORY UM IRISH Yuè I love the cast list Yuè and I also love Mercedes's riffs Yuè was Nathan actually Irish? I don't think do cause he was in one of those chats Yuè "I was told you are too" True Yuè "We apprecia-" "Shut the fuck up" Yuè "COURAGE" Yuè I actually wanted the courage t-shirt before I got the I have big plans one Yuè Oh man I miss the old crack days of jokes of Finn telling Blainers to sit down Yuè AND THERE IS BRIANNA AS SUGAR MOTTA Yuè "what the f-" Yuè "H-" "stop you're embarrassing yourself" Yuè I LOVE THAT FINN SMILE Yuè "Told you"

Yuè [glee spoof 10] that time a parody handled Santana's coming out story better than the actual show

Yuè I love the warning Yuè "I've been working in keeping my eyebrows still" Yuè "I think I'll go wax my lasagna" is one of my favourite lines ever Yuè OH B OY SEBASTIAN Yuè nickname 7???: snuggle toes Yuè a background sim is wearing a fez I love it Yuè FUCKING HELL THE VEGAN THING Yuè "Tina what the fuck" "Bitch" Yuè Y'ALL IT IS TIME FOR THE CELL BLOCK TANGO THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE Yuè also who the hell did these sometimes inaccurate captions? Yuè kudos to Boss for all these dialogues Yuè "Found out he couldn't handle BIG PLANS" Yuè damm I'm still in awe bc f the Cell Block Tango Yuè "we're here to save Rachel's virginity" Yuè nickname 8: Watermelon Lips Yuè KLAINE DID WATERMELON BEFORE IT WAS COOL Yuè I've drawn so many Stop the violence things Yuè Lauren is creepin Yuè GO SIMGM GO SIMGM GO SIMGM YES YES YES THANKS FOR THIS SCENE Yuè I love the big camera and also them saying the storyline is stupid Yuè also we needed more of Brittany supporting Santana during this come on fuck off glee Yuè I HAD TOTALLY FORGOTTEN ABUT TIS SONG Yuè Quinn is just smiling while Santana is beating the living shit out of Finn Yuè "Can't say I didn't warn you" Yuè FINN SINGING WHILE DRUNK AND NAKED IS MY FAVE Hannah sebbbbb Yuè Hannah: did you watch simgm ????????

Yuè [glee spoof 11] time for simgm to do it right

Yuè it is true tho bc Santana suddenly got suspended for violence and I'm like... FIGGINS HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT THESE KIDS DO ON A DAILY BASIS? Yuè Man the actual episode was such bullshit Yuè "then we're all in the wrong club" Yuè Brittany saying the truth Yuè the entire Quick storyline is so weird Yuè "CHEESEBURGER" Yuè tbh this song is as boring as the song they actually sung on glee so congrats simgm Yuè I'll never get why Santana was so offended by Klaine singing Perfect to her in support bc they know how hard it is in a straight world Yuè whereas the straight dude who outed her sang a boring ass unnecessary song and Santana was crying because she was so ///moved/// Yuè "unions and ass????" Yuè nickname 9: Dolphin Nose? Yuè "I'M KURT BITCH" Yuè Brittana should've sung in the actual glee sigh glee this was such a disappointment Yuè BRITTANA DANCING THE SMUSSLE Yuè honestly suspending Rachel was the best that could have happened because it gave us a killer Rachel free setlist Yuè "Do you people know math???" Yuè "Not completely. I have big plans" "there she goes again" Yuè ZISES Yuè "and clap like a seal" Yuè "It's random and out of character" Yuè glee and its writers suck at romance Yuè "QUINN HEEL" Yuè THIS IS THE SONG THAT WAS ALSO ON MY PHONE Yuè "I can still remember when I was 18. and here I am at 17, a woman"

Yuè [glee spoof 12] there weren't any songs in it

Yuè NVM I WAS WATCHING EPISODE 13 THERE ARE SONGS IN EP 12 Yuè "oh you know me and my big plans" Yuè "we hold hands, ran into Kurt and Blaine, and I moved two weeks later" Yuè unfortunately the old channel doesn't have captions Yuè "allow me to show you my excitement. ..... " I actually use that quote in real life Yuè why can't Shue do anything by himself Yuè "it always freaks me out when he decides to actually teach" Yuè I love these moments Yuè "my cat will eat you alive" Yuè I just remember how uncomfortable it was to watch Finchel suck face on glee like they didn't even look like loving kisses it was full open mouth on open mouth and making out Yuè "you would know all about announcing things wouldn't you" Yuè I also liked this song Yuè "no I only do that in cars" Yuè nickname 10: chocolate turle Yuè *turtle Yuè to quote Darren Criss: "it's cool I'm back" Yuè after taking a break to help dad wth dinner I'm gonna end this episode Yuè Oh the slushie Yuè "do my eyebrows look okay?" Yuè "that building was already on fire when I got there" Yuè "what happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom" Yuè "aren't we supposed to be rehearsing" "DO WE EVEN KNOW HOW TO DO THAT?" Yuè GAY PIRATE Yuè "oh wow we actually accomplished something" I love Quinn s snark in these spoofs Yuè so much snark Yuè "oh sh-" Yuè WAIT JORDAN ALSO VOICED GRANT?

Yuè [glee spoof 13] Finn doesn't know how to wash his balls

Yuè really.. Will and Emma suck at their jobs Yuè BLACK SUE Yuè "by the way I'm having a baby" Yuè Mercedes was actually the only one in canon that handled differently when she cheated Yuè "where do I sign to get you fired?" Yuè there were no songs in this ep... Yuè Oh yeah Boss voiced Sugar cause Brianna was ill Yuè poor Puck Yuè ZISES Yuè "sure let's go with that" Yuè "okay who the fuck is this guy?" Quinn once again spilling the truth Yuè "FINN YOU SON OF A-" Yuè "my girlfriend my girlfriend politics and Latino Brittany is my girlfriend equal rights if I wanna kiss my girlfriend I can rainbow flag" Yuè nickname 11: crayola monkey Yuè wait isn't this Scott's last episode?

Yuè [glee spoof 14] what a nice episode title

Yuè "I'm sorry we don't speak bitch" Yuè "and you make a two dollar hoe look classy" Yuè Sam is wearing simgm merch Yuè "I don't here Finchel when Finchel speaks" same Yuè respect for simgm to not make fun of the suicide storyline Yuè I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE TEY PUT A STARKID REFERENCE IN HETR Yuè "MY CAT IS PART OF THE CIA" Yuè in which the girls are fucking sensible Yuè I love the glee version of No Scrub but man what a jam is this Yuè "you suck at motivational speeches" Yuè "do you feel the 'I don't give a fuck' I'm throwing in your direction" Yuè I ASKED FOR DEVELOPMENT AND THEY GAVE ME A WHEELCHAIR Yuè "I have-" "give it a rest Quinn" Yuè "he didn't call me a nickname today" "OH SHIT SON" Yuè "since five seconds ago" Yuè THESE PARTS BETWEEN SIBLING OH GOD Yuè damn Quinn is being inspirational Yuè duck bless this song Yuè AH BRITT Yuè "If there was a chair to kick right now I would" Yuè well well well simgm Yuè nice song

Yuè [glee spoof 15] at this point Boss and Co were so done they put 4 episodes in one spoof

Yuè True about Damian and the glee project thing Yuè waot there are no captions Yuè Mr Schue is such a dick Yuè ah... Quinn's face Yuè for real tho in 4 eps Santana changed her opinion on college too many times Yuè "this got disturbing really fast" Yuè UNIQUE Yuè "knock knock" "who's there?" "go away" Yuè THE WAY RACHEL'S FACE JUST FELL Yuè ZISES IS IN THE CHOIR ROOM Yuè the Quoe boner thing was so gross Yuè I also use "and I wanna go to college" in real life to basically say WTF Yuè fuck Chandler Yuè Oh jesus Yuè btw welcome Kyle to the cast Yuè "I can do that now. I see you're dressed as Lea Michele today" Yuè SANTANA VISION Yuè "dinosaurs" "shut the fuck up Mike"

Yuè [glee spoof 16] this is the end

Yuè throwback to the first ep Yuè Rachel is a selfish as Yuè *ass Yuè and Tina is right Yuè THE BODY SWAP Yuè nickname 12 kinda: winky fairy Yuè ahhh I'm getting all emotional Yuè TATER TOOOOOOOOOOOOTS Yuè another throwback because they're all wearing the outfits they wore in the first spoof Yuè "good luck with that" Yuè EVEN ZISES WAS HERE Yuè the unicorn magic!! Yuè "my big plans are-" (title song) Yuè ... and it's over AGAIN

Yuè [glee spoof minisodes and others]

Yuè mini 1Glee Spoof Minisode 1 | Kurt's Problem with Blaine Yuè this is the video that led me to Simgm because of Michael's awesome voice work Yuè nickname 1: cutiepiedumplingsugartwinkledove Yuè I love that nickname Yuè nickname 2: kurtsie wurtsie Yuè mini 2Glee Spoof Minisode 2 | Santana Exposes All Yuè TATER TOTS YEAAAAAH Yuè "Penises and Winecoolers: a dangerous combination" Yuè "you've been a bad girl Santana" oh lord Yuè mini 3Glee Spoof Minisode 3 | Fondue for Two Yuè wait Yuè this isn't minisode 3 Yuè this is the other Fondue for Two mini Yuè okay in other words minisode 3 has disappeared so let's just move to Yuè mini 4Glee Spoof Minisode 4 |The Glee Cast Discover the Gl... Yuè this s where it gets real Yuè "SAVE THE HORSES" Yuè this is the first time the actual sim "actors" were in a video Yuè "am I really that tall?" "YES!" Yuè mini 5Glee Spoof Minisode 5 | Quinn's Summer Before Senior... Yuè I actually ripped the audio off of this one and put it on my phone so that I could listen t it Yuè "you have too many messages fr me to count" Yuè "BLAINE HOW MANY TMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO SING DURING-" Yuè quinn's face when Finn tries to order a pizza Yuè "..." "that must've been Tina leaving a message" Yuè mini 6Glee Spoof Minisode 6 | The Glee Club Gets Tested Yuè "you know I'm gonna flunk" Yuè Oh Santana Yuè "cow ass no. 5?" Yuè "you're all fucking crazy" "we didn't need a test to tell us that" Yuè mini 7 for realGlee Spoof Minisode 7 | Fondue for Two Part 2 Yuè "do you enjoy being a lesbian?" Yuè nickname 3: puffy-bear Yuè again.. oh Santana Yuè "you do like tossing things" "yeah like..." "my girlfriend out of the closet" Yuè mini 8Glee Spoof Minisode 8 | Brainstorming with the Creat... Yuè RIB is at it again Yuè "is Obama available?" if only Yuè Ian does no shit Yuè hey it's a Zises Yuè I love the Sim cast Yuè "what the fuck did I just read" after the IKAG script is gold Yuè mini 9Glee Spoof Minisode 9 | The Glee Cast Auditions Yuè Sim cast is back wohoo Yuè "my name is-" "you've got the part" Yuè "no way that's HELLA cool!" Yuè mini 10Glee Spoof Minisode 10 | To Catch a Pedo Will Yuè you know that's also HELLA cool? Yuè more of Brianna as sugar Yuè "Because my boyfriend is super awesome" Yuè Sue knocking Schue down always gets me Yuè mini 11Glee Spoof Minisode 11 | Favorite Moments Yuè TIME FOR SENTIMENT Yuè I agree with Michael. "Where's ma crown?" is my favourite part as well Yuè the Christmas crap festGlee Spoof Christmas Special | Holly Jolly Crap Fest Yuè honestly I haven't seen this one in ages Yuè "this Irish dude" Yuè "????????????????" Yuè this was very weird tbh Yuè they never released that song Yuè comic conGlee Cast Comic Con Spoof Yuè I thought it was very cool that actual viewers could send in audio questions Yuè fucking mcgustin Yuè never forget mcgustin Yuè save horses and coffee 2k17 Yuè Oh shit Lea's laugh Yuè LEA Yuè go for it Darren Yuè sneak peek Behind the Scenes of Glee Spoofs Yuè this is like one minute long but it points out so many glee flaws it's hilarious Yuè "I asked for development and they gave me a wheelchair" Yuè btw I am watching all the little glee spoofs and other bts stuff but I'm not gonna live blog them

[threemoonsareshining]

i read through all the 'get to know me uncomfortably well' questions and honestly i couldn't pick because i'd love your answers to any of them so idk just answer the ones you feel like answering? is that allowed in these ask games? idk i'm making it allowed (also have a great day!) xx

Hi!!!!!! Oh my god you’re blessing my night with this message because let’s say... I haven't had the best day today, and I’m sure that’s allowed in these ask things, i mean are there even rules? I do’t know how many i’ll be able to answer but I’m going all in so let’s go

2. How old are you? 19 such an ugly age let me tell you

4. What is your zodiac sign? taurus and i’m not really into astrology and stuff so i don’t know if i can relate to my sign or not

5. What is your favorite color? i really like earthy tones, and i’ve always loved dark colors but i’m trying to broaden my horizons in terms of colors, unsuccessfully this far

6. What's your lucky number? i’m not sure if it brings me luck but i’ve always loved the number 5, maybe bc it’s my birthday, i think it’s really nice overall

7. Do you have any pets? yes!! i have 2 cats, i love them so much even though they’re not the friendliest cats in the world you know. I used to have fish but they kept dying not matter how hard i tried! It makes me a little sad but in the end it was just too much work and if i wasn’t able to take care of them properly i’d rather have no fish honestly

8. Where are you from? i don’t like to say these things but i think it’s pretty obvious if you pay a little attention to what i post every once in a while

9. How tall are you?i’m 1.64 or so, which is like… 5.3-5.4??? I’d like to be a little taller tho

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? I don’t own many, this year i bought some winter shoes but i just realised all my summer ones are either a little too used or i just don’t like their style anymore so yeah i should do some shopping (if only i had time to do that hah!)

12. What was your last dream about? i don’t remember very well but i think i saw my economics teacher riding a bike with no pants after i’d been fined by the police for having a water balloon war in the middle of the street, I wasn’t happy about that. I’ve had many dreams i was able to remember these last days, but they were more like nightmares i’d say, many of them about being kidnaped, other studies-related (i failed my math test again, i had to retake my college-access test… just terrible), and other were with people i actually know, which wasn’t the best thing ever honestly

15. Favorite song? Plant life by owl city, i’m going to paste the answer i wrote to explain why it’s my favorite (Plant Life by Owl City, that song just describes my soul at a spiritual level, like I could choose 1564 other songs by Owl City that describe me as well but this one is the one that I can relate to when i’m going through the worst times, but also gives me the hope that things will get better idk. And it’s funny because I still loved it before I had the level of English to understand the lyrics, and then I found out what they meant and i was like “woah this actually speaks to me in a way i can’t explain” it was a really weird feeling idk, that song is just me)

16. Favorite movie? billy elliot, actually it’s been a really long time since i last saw it. I remember i watched it like 7 times in a row in one week when i first saw it, i just loved it so much

17. Who would be your ideal partner? Just… someone that i’m 100% comfortable with, which should be a given, but apparently that isn’t that easy to find. Idk i’ve been thinking a lot about this lately basically because some of my coming decisions are going to be based on who i want as a partner, obviously not in a serious-for-life way, but in a way that i deserve right now. I’d like to have someone that doesn’t make me feel inadequate like almost everyone does, that doesn’t make me feel like a temporary asset in their life until they get want they want for me and just don’t care anymore. I don’t know, recent experiences have made me realise I need to figure out what I want and fight for it, not settle for someone just because it’s convenient, or because i don’t want to be alone... because in the end, if someone is making you feel like shit for being who you are and it’s acting like you are not important, even though they’re willing to be with you (even if it’s just for the physical part) that clearly makes you feel even more lonely

18. Do you want children? I’d say my #1 fear in life is getting accidentally pregnant (i know that shouldn’t worry me that much if i use protection and stuff), i meant a good reason i’m so wary of having sex is because i’d go crazy just considering the possibility that the condom failed or something. I think this answers the question, i really don’t want children, idk if i’d be able to take care of a kid, and above all, i don’t want to. Every time i see a kid in the street or in the public transport i pray he/she doesn’t interact with me because i just find it so so so difficult to be nice to them, basically because i don’t know how . Then i also look at their parents, their tired look, and don’t get me wrong, I’m sure they love their kids and all but I don’t think everyone can find happiness in having kids, and I don’t think I’m one of those people that won’t feel complete until they have kids or stuff. Furthermore, I’m not willing to sacrifice my body and to suffer the pain of giving birth, that doesn’t even cross my mind. So if I consider the possibility in the future i think I’d adopt.

20. Are you religious? I already answered this so I’ll just paste it I’m sorry this is so lazy (i was raised catholic and as a child i was really really devote, i truly believed in god. But you know, as years go by, then you find out you don’t agree with a lot of things the Church preaches (being in a catholic school doesn’t help, i will never forget the day i heard a priest telling literal 7-year-old girls that their only duty in life was to have children). My environment was really really conservative and I was lucky to somehow realise how fucking wrong some of the stuff they were teaching us was, sadly, i still see a lot of kids in my school being brainwashed… it’s crazy to see the way some families think. Anyways, that contributed to me getting distanced from everything religious-related. Now i could say i’m somewhere between agnostic and non-practicing. I still pray every once in a while but i’m not sure if i truly believe it or it’s just out of custom, i just feel too hopeless and detached from everything to believe there’s something greater than us… this question is too hard!)

24. Baths or showers? I used to hate taking showers just because I didn’t have the strength to go through all the process of taking a shower but I’ve been trying to fix this mainly because 1) Personal Hygiene and stuff 2) Even though i don’t have the willpower to do it, i always try to think about how nice it feels to be clean after a shower, or how relaxed you are (even if it’s for a short period of time) after taking a bath. So yeah I don’t like either of them but they’re obviously necessary

26. Have you ever been famous? I haven’t been famous but I’ve been mistaken for a famous people more than once. The first time i was very young and a man asked me if i was that girl (idk who) that was on tv and I said no, and the other was more recent, last year, when someone mistook me for a youtuber

28. What type of music do you like? I love instrumental music, specially orchestral but i also adore celtic themes. And i hate to admit it but i love electro pop, the owl city - type, even though many people (aka my dad) may think it’s not the Best Quality, but i mean who cares at least I enjoy it

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? I’m a mess so most of the time I have a coffee so I don’t die of tiredness throughout the day and if i have time i eat some fruit and cookies, not a lot honestly, which isn’t the most healthy thing to do but hey idc

34. Have you ever fired a gun? No. I really, really hate guns.

37. Favorite swear word? I never swear in public, just when I’m alone, I don’t think I can choose any word!

38. What's the longest you've ever gone without sleep? Maybe 24 hours, the thing is that i sleep very, very little, but i always end up sleeping anyway

41. Are you a good liar? Even when I’m actually telling the truth there are people who don’t believe me so yeah hah not really

42. Are you a good judge of character? i’m really good at getting the vibes of people, sometimes i think i’m just overreading everything but a high percentage of the time i end up being right, so yeah not only regarding people but also with other aspects of my life… i like to trust my gut. However, i don’t always say it bc i’m afraid i might be wrong, but when my suspicions are proven, I’m like yeah i was right how weird hahahahhhhhhhhh, i amaze myself in this aspect honestly

46. What is your personality type? i think i’m intj, but i remember retaking the test a few months later and getting another result but yeah i can relate to the architect type, introvert, cautelous, focused on analysing rather than acting blah blah all that stuff (i love this stuff)

49. Are you an innie or an outie? Innie 4 life, because I’ve tried to force myself to be more outie and let me tell you that didn’t go well

50. Left or right handed? left!!!

51. Are you scared of spiders? I’m really scared of them but i also cry every time i kill one bc i feel sorry for her (but it’s either my life or hers i’m sorry) although most of the time when i see i spider i face my fear and i put in in a box or something to release it outside

52. Favorite food? i’d eat ice cream every day of my life for every meal all the time just give me all the ice cream

58. Do you have much of an ego? My ego is so tiny sometimes i forget it exists and let people step on it like it’s nothing

61. Do you sing to yourself? I perform to myself, i love singing alone in my room. I used to care about my neighbour hearing me but you only live once right

62. Are you a good singer? i wouldn't say i’m a bad singer, nor a good one bc the problem is that my voice is not very strong, so it’s very hard to hear me. But yeah, i’ve been complimented for my singing in some occasions, and i really enjoy doing it on my own (i still don’y know how i was able to sing in public the only time i have done it)

63. Biggest Fear? that i’ll keep missing stuff due to my anxiety, oh that and having unwanted kids obviously

64. Are you a gossip? it’s always interesting to hear stuff and be aware of what happens around you but i‘ve always said that things would be better if everyone just… minded their own business a little bit more, you can’t get mad at someone if they don’t want to tell you something, it’s their life and they don’t owe you all the explanations after all

66. Do you like long or short hair? i have really long hair and i’d love it if it wasn’t so so so hard to maintain… i’m pretty tired of it honestly and i know i said i’d be cutting and donating it this year but… it’s such a part of my identity (which is so silly but it’s true, i’m introduced to some people as “the girl with really long hair”) and… i don’t know i think i’ve enough changes this year, so i’ll keep it for a little longer

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? i’m so scared of the sea i think i’d die

71. What makes you nervous? sadly, even the most insignificant stuff makes me nervous, and apparently, ignoring them doesn’t mae them disapear! so yeah i’m basically suffering at all times due to stupid stuff, i’ve just learned to ignore it enough so it doesn’t interfere with the rest of my life (most of the time it works but it’s mentally draining now that i think about it)

77. Have you ever drank underage? I’m one of those people that can say that never drank alcohol until it was legal for me to do it, I didn’t do it even when my mom offered me something at family gatherings… yeah i think that’s the reason i drink so much now

80. How many piercings do you have? I don’t like piercings for myself (i obviously don’t have a problem with other people having them) but i just think it’s an unnecessary way of mutilating yourself (i hate needles)

86. What are you allergic to? Ironically, I’m allergic to cats, even though i have 2. It comes and goes, and it’s not serious, i sneeze a lot, my eyes itch a little sometimes, but i’m willing to pay that price for my cats honestly

87. Do you keep a journal? I do, but it’s been months since i last wrote mainly because i always feel like shit after writing, so now i can’t bring myself to do it, that’s why i post so much about my personal life in here, because i’m not able to journal but i also don’t want to forget about what happens in my life

90. What makes you angry? Anger is a weird concept for me. I get angry very often, but I’m angry in general, not at anyone in particular, I just find myself unable to get mad at someone, the anger instantaneously turns into sadness, so I don’t know what’s worse. If I’m being mean to someone (most of the time my parents are the victims) it’s not because of them, I’m just angry for no reason and I just can’t keep being nice.

Hey congratualtions if you made it till the end, i was really bored so i answered a lot. Thanks for the message again 🐱🐱🐱🌳🌳🌳

[knownunknownn]

he called himself an...eboy? an eboy. imagine wanting to be an eboy. he only wore black and never did his hair. i mean... he didn’t really have to do his hair because it was perfect the way it was but still. he never showed his body off... but he would tease us. fucking weirdo. or maybe i’m a weirdo for falling in love with a boy i follow on instagram.

yesterday he posted a body shot. he wore a black graphic tee-shirt tucked into black skinny jeans with chains hanging off of every loop. he had a thick silver chain around his neck. his face wasn’t even showing but let me tell you.. he was hot. the veins on his arms were protruding. they shone slightly blue under his pale skin. his knuckles were pink and his hand tattoos were slightly out of view.

he didn’t have many tattoos.. or atleast he didn’t show us many tattoos. we’d only seen about 5. one on each of his hands... one on his forearm... one behind his ear... one inside of his lip. but apparently he had more.

he didn’t date. he always talked about how lonely he was, or how empty it felt living by himself. he never took pictures of his house but he took pictures of himself around his house. from what i’d seen... it wasn’t too bad.

he didn’t work, and he’s just dropped out of college. he said that he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to do in life so instead of paying the government thousands of dollars, he’d rather take the time off to find what he loves. he found music. now, he wasn’t an musical genius or anything but... he was pretty talented. he already knew how to play piano but he’d learned drums earlier in the year. he learned how to produce beats and mix tracks and how to compose songs. there was a time when he posted covers but he makes his own music now.

he said he’s been having trouble writing lyrics recently. he said that he’s been feeling numb and he doesn’t know why he can’t express himself anymore. he said maybe music wasn’t for him but everyone reassured him that he was amazing and his music was incredible.

he said he was feeling unmotivated. “life is really sucky right now... i don’t know what to do.” he said that he might log off of all social media account for a while. but he’d be back.

he did come back... eventually. he was slightly different from before. happier. livelier. he said he’d met this girl that made him feel things again. i wasn’t too happy about that but... i was glad that he was feeling better. his happiness was all that mattered to me.

i’d met him before. a few times actually. we’d exchanged words. not many words but words nonetheless. he didn’t know that i was such a huge fan. he also didn’t know that i’d began revolving my whole world around him. but then again... he didn’t exactly need to know that.

he said he didn’t have many friends. that he couldn’t keep friendships well. i wanted to change that. i just wanted to talk to him about anything and everything. maybe beat his ass at a game of mario kart. but he made it very hard for anyone to get close to him. and anyways... i was just a fan.

he wasn’t famous by any means. but according to this society, having 739K followers makes you pretty damn popular. he said he hated the numbers. it only made people act fake towards him. i understood what he meant.

he followed me the other day. i don’t think he recognized me though. good. i wouldn’t want him thinking i was a weird fangirl. that would crush all of my chances on getting to know him.

he posted a picture of a manicured hand pulling his shirt up today. it was the first time we’d ever seen his abs. and boy do i mean abs. i was less focused on the abs (there’s a first time for everything) and more focused on the girls hand. long, red acrylic nails. who the fuck is that.

i got a dm today. and when i opened it... i screamed. “i really like your content... i want to learn to play the electric guitar so much. maybe you could teach me? do you make tutorials?” i think i was in a state of shock. i answered immediately.

“ohmygod thank youuuuu, and no i don’t make tutorials but i could of you want? and you’re so cool too wtf!! if i help you learn to play the guitar you HAVE to teach me how to use beat pads.” he didn’t respond for two days. i waited by my phone the entire time. it’s crazy how whipped i am for a boy that doesn’t even know me.

“yesss deal. i’m so fucking excited. do you live on the east coast?” ohmyGOD. did he want to meet up? i thought this was going to be an over-the-phone kind of thing.

“yeah i do! i live in Atlanta... you?” i chewed my nails. of course i knew he lived here, why was this so damn nerve wracking. “oh fuck same. we gotta meet up. i wanna learn ASAP” fuck. fuck. fuck.

“oh lit! okay we’ll talk soon then. when are you available?” the conversation went on like that. he told me he was technically always available.. just to give him a day and a time. he told me we could meet at his house or somewhere else. but all of his equipment would be at his house. i told him we could probably do it this weekend but i would have to check my schedule.

“woah woah woah. before i invite you into my house um what’s your name and how old are you??” i completely forgot that he doesn’t know ANYTHING about me.

“ohh lol i’m Jia and i’m 18” my name wasn’t jia. that was more of a... stage name. but he didn’t need to know that. i also wasn’t 18. i was turning 17 in December but.. he didn’t need to know that either.

i felt bad. the minute i hit send i felt like a liar. i don’t usually lie to people about my age or name but i didn’t want him to judge me or treat me like a child.

“Well hello there Jia. i’m Uley (but you already knew that) and i’m 23.” hes t w e n t y t h r e e ? his body screamed ‘adult’ but his face screamed ‘baby boy’. i thought he was 19... at most. his fluffy hair and dimpley smile didn’t help. fuck.

“How come i haven’t seen you around before Jia?” how am i supposed to respond to that?? ‘Um maybe because my parents are over-protective bible bangers and only allow me to leave the house to go to church or group therapy—‘ but instead i settled on, “what do you mean?”

“Oh not to be creepy or anything it’s just that a lot of people i know follow you.. i’m trying to figure out why you’re just now showing up on my recommended lol” oh. that makes more sense.

“i don’t know... i don’t talk to many people online haha” that was another lie. i only had online friends. they seemed much nicer than the people outside of my front door.

“me neither. people are assholes.”

we talked for 4 hours that day. he kept asking me when i’d be able to meet up but i kept reassuring him that i’d let him know by the weekend. i had to find some way to get out of this house.